Men's Final in Vancouver: Who Did What & What Did It Get Them?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Men’s figure skating event at these Olympics—also known as the World’s Greatest Metrosexual Pissing Contest (Kidding!! Don’t judge me!!!)—has left the building. But not before throwing down some pretty interesting results. Here’s my take on that which I was able to see…



JEREMY ABBOTT, USA

Wearing his electric blue from Nats. Music: Symphony #3 (Saint-Saens)

Tape delayed a little but we’ll take it: 4Toe FALL. Glad he went for it… I think… oh what’d he mess up, 3Flip/3Toe? Waaaaah—that’s been his money jump of late. This could be rough. 3Axel/3Toe—oh, good! that was OK. Then such lovely FW, but even that little 2axel he throws into the end of it looks wonky compared to normal. Next comes 3Ax; was adding a 2toe on that OK? Thought only one could be in combination… I could be wrong. Anyway, he landed both. Then 3Lz/2Toe/2Loop… nice 3Loop….good 3Salchow… well not so bad! That was a great rally that probably came from that positive spirit he carries so well. He doesn’t look particularly jazzed, but I hope he considers this: everyone was worried about him adding the 2nd axel, and guess what? Those may have been the best jumps he had all night.

149.56 FS 218.96 TOTAL FINISHED 9th in one of the best pull-up performances of the night. Any pride in finally making Top 10 in a major international event? I hope so.



BRIAN JOUBERT, FRANCE

(Caught this on the overseas feed) Wearing brown/black? Not sure now… Music: Ancient Lands

Well this oughta be delightful… 4Toe, awkward fall… next was supposed to be another 4Toe, it’s tripled…3axel flips out into a 2sal (looks like a combo but unplanned) Not sure…this slow part must feel for him like he has peanut butter on his skates… 3Flip… 3Lutz/2toe… 3loop hangs on… Footwork… 3salchow… a spin, and now we’re gearing up for the final slog of footwork... whew, good for him, looks like some life is left in him. No successful quad or triple axel, but still not a total wipeout.

132.22 FS 200.22 TOTAL FINISHED 16th.


TAKAHIKO KOZUKA, JAPAN

Wearing: Black and silver Music: Guitar concerto by Michael Kamen


Whoa—trying a quad? 2-foot but yeay! (Funny, I never said that when Michael Weiss 2-footed his quad…) 3axel/3toe… 3lutx/2toe… DEEP sit spin in his combo. Hmm… did his free skate always have this much electric guitar? Guess the boy enjoys his rock, doesn’t he…3salchow/2toe/2loop… 3axel tilted in the air, oh, no… BAM. Anyway—3Flip… 3Loop landed but squirrely… 3lutz… he looks happy despite the BAM.

151.60 FS 231.19 TOTAL. FINISHED 8th, so Taka and JeremEEE’s respective coaches (father and daughter Sato) can take some pride in the side-by-side finish (though the 12-13 point spread between them is one of the widest of the night).

Finished 8th.

DENIS TEN, KAZAKHSTAN

Wearing: red/black Music: Pasodoble (but it sure sounded like Bobby McFerrin taking on Concierto de Arurez or whatever it’s called).

He’s grown 2 ½ inches this year and a full shoe size? No wonder he’s had troubles. Well that, and the fact that he looks younger than his last name… anyhoo, 3axel flip out… then on to a 3axel/2 toe that’s better… 3lutz good… 3flip falls out… a donut-on-stick spin… 3 loop… 3lutz/2toe/2Loop… then 3sal right into 2axel… Another 2axel later… and a Bielmann (I call them MAN-biels when a guy does ‘em)… not best, but not embarrassing at all.

135.01 FS 211.25 TOTAL FINISHED 11th.


KEVIN VAN DER PERREN, BELGIUM

(Only saw a little of this on the overseas feed…)

Wearing: some sort of green/grey-green/mesh thing on top that initially makes me think of camouflage… maybe he’s trying to disappear? Music: Heroes (Safri Duo)


3axel/3toe(?) had hand down… put 2 hands down on 3flip/3toe… then later on he popped a 3Loop… 3sal/3toe that’s better…another 3 salchow…then 2axel… the UK commentators say he appears out of shape, still battling injuries… is this program done yet? It is? Whew.

116.94 FS 189.84 TOTAL FINISHES 17th. Buh-BYE, Mr. VDP.






FLORENT AMODIO, FRANCE

Wearing the maroon thing w/suspenders and tons of man-cleavage.
Music: Amelie/Chopin/Cirque du Soleil

He’s supposed to be a Marionette?! Why didn’t I know that? 2 axel… 3 axel overrotated… nice spin… Oh boy, now we’re suddenly headed to FunkyTown (footwork sequence)… 3 salchow/2toe, as Scott indicates he has a 4Salchow…? Hmm. 3lutz good… 3flip… another 3lutz is 2’d. Nice job! I’m digging the boys of the future.

134.94 FS 210.30 TOTAL FINSHED 12th.


PATRICK CHAN, CANADA

Wearing black sparkly, almost quilted-looking fitted tunic Music: Phantom

Starts w/ 3 axel/2 toe, good but shouldn’t he have 3/3 on this?... 3 flip/3Toe… 3 Lutz falls out… nice death drop… 3axel FALL… 3lutz(?)/2toe/2Loop… 3sal near end… not sure about some of the other jumps. Aw… he looks a little dejected. The no-soup-for-Canada thing continues…

160.30 FS 241.42 TOTAL FINISHES 5th, and I’m sorry, but 4th best FS of the night?! NOT.


MICHAL BREZINA, CZECH REPUBLIC
Wearing pink/tan argyle number Music: An American in Paris

GORGEOUS 3axel… 4toe changed to 3flip… 3salchow…forward flying sit… it’s been fun watching this number evolve this year. 3axel/3toe NICE. Then 3fip/single toe… 2 axel… 3lutz FALL…popped axel combo of some kind… Scott says he’s outta gas and changing everything. See you in Sochi, my friend.

137.93 FS 216.73 TOTAL FINISHED 10th.


***

EVAN LYSACEK, USA

Wearing: Vera Wang’s Black & Silver Snake Special (ask for it by name!)
Music: Scheherazade…

Oh, boy, lots of talk about being very tight in the warmup. I wasn’t nervous before, but now I am… can he keep it together as well as I presumed? 3Lutz/3toe great…3Ax great! No, seriously, he really worked on fixing the problems with that jump and I’m convinced great axels are no longer a fluke with him...3salchow good… Footwork good, of course…take a breath, Evan… everyone… 3axel slight pitch forward, but only 2toe (was thinking that’s a mistake, but how many triples are in this thing??)…then…3Loop Landed… 3Flip/2toe/2loop… 3Lutz nice… to 2Ax…hold it together buddy… work it work it work it…spin nice! YES.
(I’m chuckling at the little hair that kept sticking up when he spun… put me in the mind of Alfalfa from Little Rascals. But only for a moment.)

In counting these up, it appears he did have eight triples, so maybe that axel combo is always a 3/2 instead of 3/3…in any case, WELL DONE!

166.96 FS 257.26 TOTAL WINS GOLD.



NOBUNARI ODA, JAPAN

Wearing—Chaplin duds… because… Music: Chaplin medley

3lutz was good… 3axel/3toe had a double-3 between them… 3Flip… Sandra indicates the whole Chaplin thing might be seen as too junior for the Olympics, though I hope that’s not true…there was a weird break in the choreography; made indicative he’s not “into this” as much as usual… but… NICE 3axel… then a 3lutz/2toe/2Loop combo… then 3flip/2toe… then suddenly sat down on a 3Loop, and skated over tot the referee. He looks hurt. Could he have done something freaky to his knee? Oh—no, just a boot lace issue. (JUST a boot lace!) Shades of Tonya Harding, except… Team Oda knows how to handle it, and he gets back out there in plenty of time. Now, where were we? Does a spin, does a 2axel, does a nice backspin combination. Whew.

153.69 FS 238.54 TOTAL FINISHES 7th.


STEPHANE LAMBIEL, SWITZERLAND

Wearing: Black and white and looks to me like he belongs on a chess board for some reason… Music: La Traviata

Lots of talk about him skating “tight” before he started… 4toe hand down… 3lutz very scratchy… 4toe another one of those SUPER DEEP knee saves, to a 2Toe… 3Flip/3Toe… 3Loop, another deep knee save… 3 jump combo seemed in slo-mo… 2axel… nice spin of course (at the end), but that headless spin ain’t gonna save you.

162.09FS 246.72 TOTAL FINISHES 4th, though he missed bronze by only about half a point. Yowza. And we thought it was tight at the top!


DAISUKE TAKAHASHI, JAPAN

Wearing: unique ensemble w/black+white checked shirt Music: La Strada

I heard he was going for the quad, don’t do it man… just say no… UGH! He did it anyway. Splatto. Let’s see how he does from here… 3ax/2toe… 3Loop… this footwork section KICKS. ASS. (Sorry.) 3flip/3toe, and comes to a dead stop on the 2nd one… 2 axel… 3 axel YES!!!!! 3 Lutz…. YES!!! 3 lutz/2toe… “gaining strength since that fall,” they say…Scott also says he had “one gigantic mistake”; I presume it means because it may have cost him gold? And gotta disagree; the mistake didn’t suck the life out of the program. Dice-K sold it delightfully. ‘Cept for the splat.

156.98 FS 247.23 TOTAL WINS BRONZE… first medal ever by a Japanese man! And much as I adore Dice-K, I hope he was silently thanking Takeshi Honda for leading the way…




Around this point they showed Plushy warming up backstatge… while it looked like JeremEEEE was sitting on the floor in the background I suspect he was TWEETING (or at least texting). Oh to be that fly on the wall that Jeremy was in that moment…


JOHNNY WEIR, USA

Wearing: Black and whte, very “sparkly boy” of him Music: Fallen Angels

Starts with 3Flip… 3axel’s a beauty… 3salchow… 3axel/2toe… 3axel/2toe w/arm.overhead… a stumble at the end of a spin? Then 3 loop after long stretch of footwork… 3lutz/3toe… then, 3lutz/2toe/2toe… 2 ax… death drop…oh, nice speed at the end with the spin! Oh, good boy! (I sound just like Button!)

156.77 FS 238.87 TOTAL FINISHES 6th

… and I can tell that as Sandra starts to explain how Weir’s program has been regarded as “too simple” by many, she wants to say something about how there’s no box on the component side for MAGIC. All I’m gonna say without looking at any protocols is that I tend to think Chan is a little overmarked in general, glorious components or not, and I think Weir should have been ahead of him here. (Don’t judge me, Chan fans! LOL) Oh well… he seems happy enough with his wreath of roses and audience reaction.

EVGENY PLUSHENKO, RUSSIA
Wearing…red and black w/a faux tie Music: Tango Amore

Starts w/what else? 4toe/3toe. Then comes a triple axel with a THUD of a blade landing flatly… then another 3ax/2toe… 3loop… death drop… oh here we go with the stupid arms and posing, flirting with crowd, pelvic thrusts, YO, Plushy, this isn’t your “Sex Bomb” number and you aren’t in an exhibition…Then back to the reason he’s here… 3lutz, tilted in air… 3 lutx/ 2toe, also tilted in the air……triple salchow… more goofiness.. is that how you spell “goofiness”… well I guess Microsoft Word thinks so… if this guy doesn’t bother to end his routine in some manner other than stop briefly and walk away smugly, as if to say “there, peons, I am done wasting my time with you, now give me my medal,” I’m gonna lose it! Oh, he stops long enough to blow a kiss to someone. Of course, that someone is the world. Where’s a bucket and a mop…

As we await the scores, someone emails me saying “Please don’t tell me Plushenko’s going to win this…” Just in case there was a chance, I waited before sending back my reply… a few minutes later I sent back “OK, I won’t!!!!! “

165.61 FS 256.36 TOTAL… WINS SILVER.
Lysacek GETS GOLD!!!! It’s the upset of the century! Wins by only a point or so, but—ha-HA! Another breathtaking event that didn’t disappoint, and even managed to surprise the snot out of us. Holy cow!