Before I get started: the plan is to compile the results of Interactive Challenge #1 (best and worst episodes of S4) on NEXT week’s post, so stay tuned for that.
Meanwhile, Interactive Challenge #2 is on deck! Details will come at the bottom of this post!
If you were here in the early part of TGD Season 4, you might recall me mentioning the idea of Shaun now keeping a mental book-of-love in his incredible brain-- a book filled with blank pages, getting written upon, one by one, as his brave new world with Lea opened a little wider.
Now that the “book” has closed on S4, what sort of lessons did it contain for Shaun? And Lea, for that matter? She’s probably been in love at least once before-- cough ex-husband cough-- but I think it’s safe to say that her love for Shaun is unlike anything she’s ever felt for anyone else.
Well, I took a stab at it-- jotting down the highlights, as I saw them, in the 20-chapter evolution of #Shea for 2020-21.And then I did a little more…
I thought about two trajectories many of us followed very closely this season:
#Shea moments of demonstrative affection-- kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc.
#Shea sex talk, a.k.a. references to all the sizzle we weren’t privy to see for ourselves
And after christening the combo of the two "Trasextories"... I jotted down the highlights (such as they were), episode by episode, for those things as well. In fact, I assigned numbers as a means of indicating the level of sex talk and/or affection demonstrated in each episode… you’ll see what I mean as you read more…
And then? I did one more thing. You’ll see what that is later.
Ready for all these JOTTINGS? (Never thought I’d be highlighting that word, especially in plural form, but here we are…)
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Frontline 1
Love Lesson: You can miss the one you love, even if it makes all the sense in the world not to be with them… Shaun’s original stance was otherwise. (Also, Shaun “learned” what was the proper length of time for him and Lea to date before she stayed over... )
Affection: Lea blows a kiss... 1 point
Sex talk: Shaun talks about missing sex with her (in fact he admits to this while still being adamant about not missing Lea herself); tells Park things like “We have sex… a lot” and “Physical intimacy is beautiful!” But when Lea attempts to teach Shaun about phone sex (via their respective laptops), Shaun becomes frustrated quickly, saying “I don’t want to pretend to have sex with you, Lea, I want to be with you!”
To which Lea simply replied “I miss you too, Shaun.” 8 points
Frontline 2
Affection: The hug in the final scene; Lea putting her head on Shaun’s shoulder. 2 points
Sex talk: Only the indication that Lea planned to spend the night when she and Shaun finally reunited. But Lea was barely in this episode. 1 point
Love Lesson: For Shaun: sometimes you’ve got to fine-tune that “brutal honesty” to express your feelings in a way that leaves your loved one feeling loved. For Lea: Keep up the communication, but stay patient… it’ll be worth it when you do.
Affection: Just the hug and “I love you” at the end. 2 points
Sex talk: Breasts. Quite a bit of talk about breasts. (If only Shaun had stopped there…) 3 points
Not the Same
Affection: Kisses in the final scene. 5 points
Sex talk: Nothing outright (though the whole “living together as a couple” thing has obvious implications). 1 point
Love Lesson: For Shaun… date nights for live-in couples are fun, but work still has to come first at times. For Lea… sometimes you’ve got to be the bigger person and sacrifice your enjoyment. (For BOTH… it’s great to be newly cohabitating when one of you feels partially responsible for a patient’s death.)
Affection: Laying together (fully clothed), intertwining fingers, holding each other. 4 points
Sex talk: “There is one cure for sleeplessness that my mother did not tell me about”-- Lea’s coy invitation for Shaun to give up work prep for the night because he just got a better offer. (It didn’t take long for him to accept said invitation.) 3 points
Lim
Affection: Just that distant shot of the hug they shared in the hospital common space (or whatever it was). 1 point
Sex Talk: Do Shaun’s sex toy gifts count? I’ll say yes, given they factored significantly into Shaun’s comic-relief role in this episode. 1 point
The Uncertainty Principle
Love Lesson: For Shaun… the longer you get to know the person you love, the more you learn about them… and sometimes the things you learn are completely unexpected… which led to his whole epiphany about weathering change, and ringing the cowbell if one feels they are straying too far off course. For Lea… (this is mostly speculation) don’t “forget to mention” things that help him know more about who you are; trust that he can handle it and won’t hold it against you.
Affection: Though the looks exchanged in the early (unclothed) moments of the episode are tough to ignore... holding each other's hands after Lea's news about the ex-husband was the only demonstrative act we witnessed.
2 points
Sex talk: Something involving a shower…? 😉 7 points
Love Lesson: For Shaun… meeting your loved one’s parents for the first time is an important event, but standing up for your loved one when they hurt her is even more important. For Lea… never underestimate your loved one's ability to diffuse a difficult situation.
Affection: Nothing more than a touch of the shoulder at the dinner table as far as physical affection went... but then said Shaun, when Lea refers to her parents as “the ones who are supposed to love me most”: “They don’t. Not the most. Not anymore.” (Referring to himself as the one who has assumed that role-- a sweet moment despite the fact that Shaun wasn’t discerning between a partner’s love and a parents’ love.)
2 points
Sex talk: None. Zero points
Irresponsible Salad Bar Practices
Affection: Lea taking hold of Shaun’s arm and leaving the hospital shortly after their joint encounter with Dr. D’Souza.
1 point
Sex talk: None. Zero points
Love Lesson: For Shaun…loving a woman is wonderful, but respecting her--in words, but especially in actions-- is priceless. For Lea… give him enough time-- especially in stressful situations-- and he’ll remind you in triplicate why he’s “probably the most wonderful man you’ve ever known.”
Affection: Shaun brought Lea lunch (that she didn’t eat) when she was working tirelessly… Lea gave Shaun a brief peck when they were sitting and talking in the hospital corridor.
1 point
Sex talk: None. Zero points
We’re All Crazy Sometimes
Affection: Holding hands in the middle of the living room just after Lea’s news is shared. 2 points
Sex talk: No talk (again), but this episode proves that obviously, somewhere along the line, all that earlier season “talk” turned into action… Zero points
Love Lesson: Sometimes, the sacrifice you think you have to make is no sacrifice at all.
Affection: clasping each other’s hands as they concluded an abortion was the answer… holding hands in the waiting room… Shaun puts an arm around Lea and draws her to him as they realize they’ve changed their minds. 5 points
Sex talk: None. Zero points
Spilled Milk
Affection: Kiss in the morning (brief), dancing (attempt), Shaun’s head on Lea’s stomach while she strokes his hair, clasping hands as they see the image of their child for the first time. 4 points
Sex talk: Shaun expressed a desire for sex first thing in the morning, but Lea shut him down because his minty toothpaste breath wasn't agreeing with her nauseous self. (Shaun described this later to Glassman as "living with a stranger who doesn't want you to touch or breathe on them," eventually incorporating this frustration into his feelings of disconnect from Lea.) When Lea gets an idea to "help him feel better connected," she gets on the bed… but then has to stop Shaun from beginning to undress, for sex was not the idea she had in mind. 3 points
NOTE: Remember that the re-connection comes when Shaun and Lea hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time at the end of the episode. For the remainder of S4, sex is no longer discussed outright between them… and nearly all moments of deep connection are affiliated with their baby.
Love Lesson: For Shaun... learning the gender of your unborn child is about more than a set of genitals… it’s the closest tie yet to its identity. Also-- don’t try to be absolutely everything your pregnant love needs; it will never work (and that’s okay). For Lea.. stick to your guns and communicate your reasons for doing so calmly. He is listening.
Affection: Celebratory kisses after finding out they were having a girl… and a couple more after Shaun surprises Lea with his new support/inclusion of her doula into their birthing plan. 7 points
Sex talk: About the female sex, plenty. About Shaun and Lea’s sex life, not so much. Zero points
Waiting
Love Lesson: There’s nothing like being in the midst of a crisis involving young children and their single moms to make you appreciate your own situation. (Until you find yourself falling into a crisis of your own, that is.)
Affection: Facing each other and intertwining fingers on their way out of St. B -- 3 points
Sex Talk: None. Zero points
Dr. Ted
Affection: Included holding hands… Shaun sharing his toy scalpel with Lea in the hospital… Shaun holding Lea as she sobbed. 6 points
Sex talk: None. Zero points
Love Lesson: For Shaun… A shared pain can be dealt with in different ways, but try to meet your mate halfway to where she is as soon as possible. For Lea… tell him the details of your heartache in any way that works.
Affection: Shaun taking Lea gently by the shoulders, then into his arms in the final moments-- 4 points
Sex talk: None. Zero points
Forgive or Forget
Affection: Shaun putting his arm around Lea near the campfire, spooning in the tent, kissing in the tent, kissing/head on shoulder/holding onto each other at end--
8 points
Sex Talk: No specific talk, though they were surely on their way to some actual sex until their leaky tent literally poured cold water on the whole thing. (Still, it was the first time we’d seen them horizontal in five episodes, and the only time we saw them like that post-miscarriage.) 2 points
Love Lesson: For Shaun...You may feel yourself healing several weeks down the road from a crisis, but that doesn't mean your partner is. Stay attentive. For Lea… it's okay to tell him you're not yet ok. In fact, it's absolutely necessary that you do. FOR BOTH: Remember that the two of you are a team.
Affection: holding hands after Lea shares her thoughts about returning to Hershey-- 3 points
Sex Talk: None. Zero points
Vamos
Affection: Lea’s head on Shaun’s shoulder on the bus and waiting for the plane… the MARRIAGE PROPOSAL… the kiss that followed… leaping off the bench and announcing their news while holding hands-- 9 points
OK, here’s what I did with all those numbers. Graphs can be SO helpful. Are you laughing yet?
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| A Tale of Two #Shea Trasextories |
Maybe there are no real conclusions to draw here, especially if COVID protocols had anything to do with the way things rolled, but I’ll give it a shot anyway:
The surplus of “sex talk” in the first half of the season served at least three purposes…
Establishing the fact that Shaun and Lea were now a couple
Reinforcing the notion that they were in the early, horny, “honeymoon” stage of their couple-dom (so to speak; not to be confused with the actual honeymoon stage to come after they are married)
Filled in for what might’ve been seen on screen, if not for COVID (but we know Shore and Co. are pretty spare with the love scenes as a rule, so…)
The relatively slow build of demonstrative affection, while counter-intuitive to the aforementioned surplus of “sex talk,” represented the progression of their cohesion as a #Shea unit
And the pregnancy-- which, while tragically cut short, still served as the catapult sending this relationship into the deep end of the pool-- marked the time at which demonstrative affection overtook “sex talk” for the rest of the season.
That the heads-or-tails I’ve made of my informal study thus far. How about you? Do these love lessons stack up to your own thoughts? What “lessons” did I leave out? And do you think there’s anything to be made of the trasextories, or is it classic over-thinking? The comments are yours to explore…
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AND NOW, HERE’S INTERACTIVE CHALLENGE #2!
I know you’re thinking about it, so… may the #Shea wedding conversation commence! My starter question is:
What details of Shaun and Lea’s forthcoming wedding occupy your mind the most right now?
Email your response, with “#Shea Wedding Details” in the subject head, to me at KLawrence997-at-gmail-dot-com.(Please email me rather than leaving your choices in the comments.)
8 comments:
Great post, Kelli!
Your analytical skills never cease to amaze me. That graph of yours literally made my day!
That being said, I completely agree with your recap.
Shaun and Lea have grown so much this season, both as individuals and as a couple. Their love story is so inspiring and their journey together is touching in every sense.
It’s not just the fact that they had to learn how to be together (which is pretty common for every couple), but the way each one of them had to struggle to become more than the mere sum of their single parts, in order to be enough for the other. Their status as an NT/ND couple made their particular journey even more hard, but for that very same reason, more satisfying to witness.
I believe that this is the real add value to their relationship, more than the gestures of physical affection, and more than sex (which of course are welcome whenever they happen). And the more I think about it, the more I firmly believe that, very often, the lack of those outward manifestations was not due as much to Covid restrictions, but was a conscious choice by the writers.
They probably wished to underline Shaun and Lea’s strong emotional connection, above everything else. And they did it remarkably well.
Everything was thrown at them: their individual insecurities, a pandemic, the hard decision whether to move in together again or not, professional hardships, judgmental parents, a pregnancy, a miscarriage.
And they emerged from all of that stronger than ever!
So, to sum ap:
- Lea learnt how to be more self-confident. Supportive of Shaun, still being assertive about what she wanted and needed from him. Confident in his abilities to provide her with exactly what was needed, if given the time to get there. Patient and more balanced, in regard to different aspects of her life. Surely, more mature in general.
- Shaun learnt to balance his bluntness. To be more open about his feelings and needs. To be a little bit more flexible in order to become a supportive partner, when needed. In general, I think, he finally understood what it takes to have a real emotional bond, beyond sex.
As always, thank you for you time and effort, Kelli.
I’ll share my thoughts about the wedding (!!!) in a couple of days (I hope) 😊
Wow, that was outstanding! I agree with your assessment that the trajectory of their relationship depended more on the affections than the sex. They’re both young and healthy and both enjoy sex. It’s definitely not the first time for Lea and Shaun has had some experience. Possibly there would be more attention to sex if it were his first, but we’ve been there.
In Parenting, that moment when Shaun quietly told Lea that her parents were no longer the ones who loved her most really stood out for me. I almost cried. It was sweet, but not melodramatic. Freddie is very good at expressing moments like that clearly but without drama, almost matter of factly. To me, that makes it even more touching.
Over all, I love watching their love and relationship grow organically, through struggles, misunderstandings, heartbreak, and joy. Freddie and Paige have a magical connection on screen.
I have lots of thoughts about the wedding! I’ll try to send them to you in a day or two.
Parenting. When Shaun confronted the parents at the hotel, he didn’t defend himself, even knowing from the text how they felt about him. His instinct was to defend Lea by telling them that she’d changed (implying, BTW, that now he knew her better than they did!). Loved the comic end of that scene when he exited, grabbed a trusty green apple, and took a huge, self-satisfied bite.
We’re All Crazy Sometimes I was initially puzzled that Shaun was hesitant about confronting Lea about being “crazy sometimes”. But I think he was worried about her without knowing why. When he finally told her that she was acting crazy it was gentle, not with his characteristic bluntness, which she immediately responded to with her own news. (I still love the kamakazi leap into the Striped Tomato though!)
The engineer in me is just smiling at the graph. Very well done, Kelli!
I just wish the color scheme was a little different (that blue and orange are the colors of my college's main rival...but I digress). And I know people can quibble about an episode getting a Sex or Affection score of 1 vs 2 vs 3, but you nailed the trend perfectly over the course of the 20 episodes.
Daniela, I agree that this seems more in-line with the overall narrative. And some folks might be wondering what we lost because of the pandemic. And like you, I don't think it was much. Maybe a couple of hugs become kisses, and we see some more Melendez mourning early on. But I don't think any entire Shea plots/major ideas were scrapped.
Instead, I look at what COVID gave us, in terms of storyline. We knew that Shaun and Lea weren't going to break up at the end of the 2nd episode, after having just gotten together to end the previous season. By extension, if they could get through a 6-month period and all of that pressure, they weren't going to break up because of an inadvertent comment about Lea's voice, or a birthday gift, or even a differing view on whether or not to live together again just yet.
But in the end, as we hoped, their love shone through. I don't think it was necessary to throw SO MUCH at them just for the sake of drama, but I am impressed at how Shaun and Lea grew stronger each time. Kelli laid out some excellent learning lessons for both Shaun and Lea, and let me just compliment the show on actually giving Lea a chance to develop and learn those lessons! And Julianna laid out some key moments where Shaun and Lea exemplified what already made them so great for each other - their commitment to each other, and ability to let go of their own sense of self for the other's benefit.
One of my greatest pet peeves last season was seeing people complain "Lea's not a well-developed character, get rid of her!" Again, what a pathetic line of reasoning! If a character's main issue is lack of development, then the best solution is.....wait for it.....further development!!! I'm glad Shore and the writers were able to maintain their wits, and not stoop to the lowest denominator!
Be on the lookout for an email about my own wedding thoughts. Even we guys can have some ideas :-)
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR - 10 POINTS
Sorry but I do not like dividing seasons 4 episodes into POINTS for AFFECTION and SEX TALK . Most of the episodes were awarded SEX TALK - NIL POINTS with only two episodes given SEX TALK 7 and 8 points which just so happened to be my 2 favourite episodes. I will give my episode marks tomorrow as I appear to see things so very differently.
Sex Talk has been lumped AGAINST Affection and there could be nothing further from the truth as you cannot have one without the other. Affection and Sex Talk are the same. Sex Talk is another word for MAKING LOVE a magical word which also means deep AFFECTION. Shaun and Lea have NEVER had SEX TALK they have MADE LOVE to each other showing affection and unconditional love which has made Shaun and Lea 'MORE'
You can see the love. in Shaun and Leas eyes as they gaze at each other, in their touch as Shaun and Lea's hands entwine and hugs where Shaun wraps his arms around Lea tenderly, and nobody can fail to see the chemistry they share which is so intense that the love Shaun and Lea have for each other jumps out of our TV Screens where you feel as if you are intruding on this private moment which is full of affectionate loving kisses.
I will also add marks for two topics which appeared regularly during season 4 where I cried when reading the instagram pages as so many viewers opened up about the pain this episode had caused them as it was what they were going through in real life, others who replied were fighting their own personal war against pain and devastation as this episode opened up wounds to deep to forget.
I will never justify the episode with a title as it can be catapulted into the depths of despair as the worst episode of all of the four season 4 explanations tomorrow (catapulting was the perfect word Kelli as in medieval times bodies were catapulted against fortresses so they could breach the wall to kill their enemies)
THE POINTS FOR THIS TITLE IS DEVASTATION and PAIN
This may even things out a bit...
Thanks for your insights, Mo! I agree that TRUE physical intimacy is not just about the presence of sex OR affection, but the combination of both.
Thankfully, the very first episode of Season 4 showed us that Shaun and Lea truly have both of those wonderful qualities. Shaun was very clear to Park (much to the latter's chagrin, and our humor) that sex with Lea was a regular thing. And despite all of Shaun's "I don't miss her" talk as the weeks went on, it was clear to me that he truly did! And he didn't just miss the sex, but the emotional closeness that went with physical proximity.
The other episode you mention, with THE shower scene. The last scene from the episode played right into the above combination as well. Not only did we have that heartwarming conversation about readjusting if things start going astray, but we also got to end that scene with a NOT-so-subtle hint about some shower-time fun that was about to commence. It truly took BOTH parts - physical and emotional intimacy - to make that scene shine the way it did!
Pain and devastation were very real things throughout the season. I will never say that it was OK that the show gave us the tragedy they did with the baby. There are certainly some things I hope the show improves upon in Season 5 (better showcasing of both sides of true intimacy; no more opportunities for hyenas to cackle and cheer at character tragedies; and more Lea-Glassman development). But I do appreciate how the season ended on a positive enough note to keep many of us anticipating what's to come!
Kelli: I wonder if a "wish list" for Season 5 is on the horizon???
Hey!!!! I wanted to comment on this post for a while but just now I found the time to do so. Kelli, as always you convey beautifully so many of the layers we have been able to digest while watching the show.
When season 4 started I did a mental map very similar to what you wrote here... I was able to take the lesson out of every episode, because to me it was done following that scheme... they presented challenges but also regular situations to the couple in order to make them stronger and to be able to overcome the major challenge which ended up being the tragic loss of our beloved baby shea. Have they not had built such strong and deep connection between them during the spare of the 15 episodes before the tragedy maybe their fate would have been different.
The only episode, and well I have told you about it many times, I feel like didn't embrace the opportunity of learning properly was the salad one. In my opinion, a situation of such required a better treatment and definitely a better way to solve and understand but since fans can do whatever they want I invite everyone to read our fanfic "Three Nights" currently in fanfiction (sorry I made an ad here hahaha).
The lack of physical contact to me was a concern too specially during the first half of the season because incredibly the second half showed them completely different... I want to believe that they took some advices, because some people were claiming that they didn't even look as a couple but more like friends having couple talk in a kind of platonic way. My point is, I don't expect them to give us a sexual scene, I have always emphasized on this because that's not going to happen... sorry but I don't see it. And if it does I will be the first to gladly eat my words. But more like show they are not only emotionally but also physically in tune. Small touches,small caresses, small talks are also part of these sort of engagements and that's what I think was developed more in the second half and I'm really glad they did it because it might set the tone for what we will see in season 5 which I hope that even though I know it will have a bit of drama, can't avoid that, will also have more lighter and hopeful moments between them.
One more thing, I think that in the salad episode there was a very subtle reference to sex not only from Lea but from Shaun too... when they were exiting the hospital and met Dr. Desouza and she says that has many estrategies to deal with being uncomfortable (I'm paraphrasing but it's something like that ) and Shaun replies he does too... idk but to me that sounded like they were going to fix things in the privacy of their home in a more intimate way.
Still, it's so subtle that nobody considered it as this... and it shouldn't be that subtle, come on the show airs at 10pm not 10 am lol
I will be sending you my answer to your email Kelli and yes would love a wish list for season 5 as Tony suggests.
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