I tend to think of episode titles like songs on an album… and the more intriguing, the better. (At least usually… but let’s leave “Irresponsible Salad Bar Practices” out of the conversation for now.) TGD tends to keep those titles short-- you can count the number of over-three-word titles on one hand-- and more often than not, a title ties in somehow to where Shaun is in his journey.
The best ones, in my opinion, carry dual or even multiple meanings-- one of my favorite examples being 3.15 “Unsaid.” More recently, I guess 4.5 “Fault” or 4.7 “The Uncertainty Principle” brought respectable amounts of piqued curiosity too. But “Gender Reveal”? The only thing that served to “intrigue” me was wondering if the focus of 4.14 would be as literal as the title suggested.
In the best way possible, my answer after watching it was yes and no. Obviously, we learned within the first few minutes that Shaun and Lea’s baby is a girl… but we didn’t realize how much impact that fact would have on the rest of the episode until it unfolded, piece by remarkable piece.
My first thoughts for cases-of-the-week in the “Gender” episode were something of the transgender variety-- but since TGD has previously covered this territory at least twice before (in S1’s “She” and very recently with S4’s “Irresponsible Salad Bar Practices”), the motivation was a little muddy to me. Of course I was (delightfully) way off the mark, for what we got instead was a sort of 21st century “Battle of the Sexes” within both medical cases…
On one end of the hospital floor: an MMA fighter (and apparent crush of Dr. Wolke’s?) revealed to have breast cancer, who needs a verbal beat-down from Park in order to man up and tackle the stigma of having a “woman’s” disease.
On the other end, Jean the Superwoman Fighter Pilot came in for hp replacement surgery and left with… gulp… a Parkinson’s diagnosis, thanks in no small part to years of warning signs ignored or dismissed by her own internist.
While both cases were compelling, I’ll just be referencing Jean’s case from here on out. For it was through that, plus Shaun and Lea’s clash over the use of a doula, that we got
SEVEN REVELATIONS… one for each precious #Shea kiss that we were graced with in this episode!
(Or, suffice to say I’ve grouped the revelations so they coincide with the number of kisses. What can I say? I like symmetry.)
REVELATION #1: For Shaun, our daughter is to our baby as our baby was to the fetus.
Apparently as many as 80 percent of today’s expectant parents find out the sex their child will be born with in advance of the birth! I guess I should have figured on that, given the number of couples we hear of nowadays announcing BOY or GIRL status amidst a whole lotta fanfare. Twenty years ago, my husband and I decided to go with the delivery room element of surprise… and it turned out to be a boy. Two and a half years later, I found out via ultrasound but my husband chose to wait and be surprised again. How I got through the next four or five months without referring to our unborn as a she in front of him…? Actually, I think I slipped a couple of times when it was late in the day and I was really tired…
In any case, those days of “let’s be surprised” are falling victim to technology such as the fetal DNA test-- a non-invasive, diagnostic blood test that has become popular over the past decade, as far as I can tell. It’s apparently what Lea used… and for those who were trying to determine how far along she was in the “Gender” episode, I read that fetal DNA can be detected RELIABLY 10 weeks into the pregnancy, with results being delivered three to 15 days later. So... maybe say it was week 11?
All of this begs a new question-- if not for certain Gen-Xers (and older), then at least for atypical Millennials like Shaun: Why is it so exciting to know in advance? Shaun “mirrored” Lea’s joy as best he could (I mean, he WAS getting kisses out of the deal), but looked uncomfortable doing it because he couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Likewise, when Claire said “That’s wonderful!” in reaction to the news, he could only respond with a puzzled “Why?”
To be clear-- while the “Gender Reveal” episode cast a bright light onto women and women’s issues, I never felt scriptwriter Debbie Ezer was implying a girl was better to bring into the world than a boy. Rather, it was about how that additional bit of information brought the whole parenting thing into sharper focus; the “it” or “they” becoming he or she.
As you might expect, Shaun needed to process this additional bit of information in his own unique way. I’ll be breaking that down as we go, but suffice to say there were multiple steps between him thinking of the gender reveal as useful home decor information (“Do you want to paint the nursery pink?”) and taking a thoughtless (male) doctor’s approach to women’s health very, very personally (“My daughter is never coming to see you,” which no doubt had fans cheering no matter how many HIPPA laws were broken in that reality-suspended scene...)
REVELATION #2: Not that we’re surprised, but #Shea communication is improving (again).
Neither Shaun nor Lea has changed all that much, but the further they go with this ultimate adventure of pregnancy/childbirth/parenthood, the more every action/reaction gets magnified. These two faced their disconnection challenges in “Spilled Milk” and-- presumably without any help from that cowbell-- adjusted course. So in “Gender,” when Shaun implied his participation in a birthing class was unnecessary, a pointed look from Lea was enough to get him to say The Right Things, even if they both knew he didn’t fully believe what he was saying. And that was quickly followed up with Lea clearly articulating her needs about the results of the fetal DNA test (“I’m excited to find this out… please come here so we can look together”), rather than get upset about Shaun’s inability to thrill over the same information.
Of course, it was the Doula Debate that garnished the most attention for #Shea in this episode… and while I’ll backtrack to Shaun’s side of the discussion in a minute, I want to give another shoutout (as I did when live-Tweeting the episode) to the conclusion of their in-hospital discussion. Lea had made up her mind to have one, and while Shaun is of course not the kind of guy who would impose his will on her decision… it meant the world to her when he signified at the end of the episode that he not only accepted her decision, but supported it entirely.
He wasn’t anywhere near that acceptance during their time at the hospital though, as the express-delivered shoulder massager indicated.
(available for less than $50 at Amazon, in case anyone’s interested!)
But-- perhaps buoyed by the awareness that Shaun simply (HA!) wants to be her everything-- she took a breath and stated “the facts” from her side of the table, all the way to the double reassurance of “I love you” and “I’ll see you at home.” No stomping off, no raised voices. They can disagree about something pretty significant and still go home, in love, at the end of the day.
It’s really not a bad reminder for anyone in a long-term relationship, is it?
REVELATION #3: The power of Shaun’s ability to take things literally must never be underestimated.
We saw it coming three weeks ahead of the episode, that initial “uh oh” during the birthing class scene where poor Shaun (who admittedly hates receiving massages himself) is trying to rub
poor(er) Lea the right way… and it looks more like he’s kneading the hell out of a ball of ciabatta dough. So, strike one.
Then, Shaun gets his outspoken doctor self into overdrive… gets a death stare from the class leader
But when Lea cautions against further “strikes” by bringing Theresa the Doula into the picture, Shaun takes offense. Why? Was it that need to be the ultimate “everything” partner I mentioned earlier, especially with his ever-increasing awareness that being the dad is more important here than being the doctor? OR… was it out of frustration over his ASD-related limitations, and a huge need to try and overcome some of them for Lea’s sake?
(By the way, since Shaun’s aversion to washcloths was new information, I asked around a little on Twitter and found three viewers with ASD who also dislike washcloths… in the case of @Guiand97 and “Erin” @tncoffeerunner, they especially dislike microfiber. And “Remy Lebeau” @RemyLeb78309281 says “I do not like the feeling of terry cloth at all. I also do not like anything moist, especially warm. So moist washcloths would be very hard to deal with.”)
Shaun feels similarly, it would seem. And for those who were curious like me, I went back and checked that opening shower
Anyway, Shaun eventually found himself in Glassman’s office trying to explain himself… but with Shaun himself stating the proven benefits of a doula, it was hard for Glassman to see the problem at hand. (At least, not for the amount of time in that scene. But if he’d had the opportunity to press a little more-- What’s the real problem here, Shaun?-- then the #Shea scene I discussed in revelation #2 wouldn’t have been necessary.)
I suppose it seemed to Glassman that what Shaun needed was permission to support Lea’s doula wishes, perhaps thinking it was more a simple case of Shaun’s doctor brain challenging the doula concept? In any case, he gave Shaun simple advice-- “just give her what she needs”-- and Shaun went on his way, thinking
If she needs massages and I can’t give them, I’ll find a device that does.
If she needs my hand to squeeze hard and I can’t handle that, I’ll find something that lets me handle that a little easier.
If she needs cool/warm cloths and I can’t stand to touch them, I’ll just have to get better at it.
REVELATION #4 (for Shaun, if not for the viewers): “The world is harder for women.”
This multi-layered one actually encompasses revelations 4,5, and 6… and for those who might be asking Didn’t Shaun just get a lesson in it’s-harder-for-women with Lea’s “Decrypt” episode? I say Not exactly… he might have come away with a better appreciation for women in STEM careers and/or Lea in general. But as far as connecting career hardships with those that could affect women’s health, or livelihood, or actual lifespan… not until now.
One lesson for him that’s likely to become more personal once Lea’s dealing with it head-on: the family vs. career thing continues to influence women’s choices in a way it doesn’t for men. It was clever the way they bridged into that discussion, having Shaun be the only man on an OR team and assess that things are getting better for women as a result. Needless to say, it took just was one mention of a certain key difference between men and women (the uterus) for Shaun to pipe down. Well, that and a patient whose blood pressure was tanking inexplicably and unexpectedly… which brings us to the next harder-for-women sub-lesson:
REVELATION #5: The cost of “breaking through” may be too high.
“Your mother’s an inspiration,” Shaun declared to pilot fighter Jean’s daughter, Tory, as she sat there in the hospital room, watching her mother push herself as hard as she could (surely not the first or even 101st time) shortly after her hip surgery. But as was the case many times during the episode, Tory looked adrift and bewildered, yearning to connect with Mom on the importance of maternity leave, of not “pushing through” difficulties and pain, of laying off that constant need to compete and improve. It wasn’t until Shaun started asking questions of Jean’s BP/fainting backstory that mother and daughter could almost agree on a few things that had taken place-- enough to help spur the team to an eventual, heartbreaking Parkinson’s diagnosis.
We saw the camera circle, very deliberately, back to Shaun as he watched Tory climb up on Jean’s hospital bed and comfort her mother as she finally broke down in her arms. Next time we saw Shaun, it was when he brought Lea home and surprised her with Theresa setting up the loft for her newest client. Do you think it was something in that momentary observation of Jean and Tory that prompted Shaun’s decision to embrace (at least figuratively) Lea’s decision?
What he said just before opening the door to the apartment was (paraphrased) “I want you and our daughter to have the chance to have everything you want… but I can’t do it all by myself.” So on the surface at least, it’s about him owning up to his so-called “weaknesses” and putting Lea’s need for peace of mind ahead of his own need to triumph over this particular adversity. But what do you think he took away from Jean’s case that may have tipped him towards that realization?
While you’re thinking it over, here’s one more “reveal” that hopefully rang a bell not just for Shaun, but for a whole lotta viewers:
REVELATION #6: When history doesn’t help, think outside the box.
My mother suffered from a very rare form of anemia that chased her in and out of hospitals for most of her 66 years of life, often with ailments that were very difficult to diagnose. To have legitimate, persistent health issues ignored by healthcare professionals-- or worse yet, disregarded and written off with a catch-all term such as “anxiety”-- should be outright unacceptable. Yet it still happens.
Maybe not as much, though. Though I shudder at the thought of how much time my own mom might spend on women’s health-related Reddit, blogs, and social media threads if she were alive today, I also marvel at how many of these non-traditional outlets may have been the very thing to point a reader into a life-saving direction.
And I’ve got to applaud the way those scenes between Shaun, Jordan, and Claire were handled: 1) Jordan-- the youngest on the team-- is the one to first bring up a Reddit discovery. 2) At first, Shaun is turned off by the very mention of “non-conventional” methods, and then even Claire gives an initial eye roll to the mention of Reddit. 3) But it only takes an additional second or two for Claire to shake off her med-school beliefs and start asking Jordan for more details. 4) When Shaun shoots down the idea yet again, it only takes him a few more seconds to realize he has nothing better to offer… and then delegates their non-traditional searches
I think Lim would have applauded all this, had she been involved at this point. (I’m kind of glad she wasn’t, though. I liked them solving it on their own.) Would Andrews have been as receptive...?
| “In case of (A Dr. Murphy) emergency, break (it to) Glass(man)” |
REVELATION #7: There may just be an unwritten rule at St. Bonaventure…
Given Shaun’s brief “research” scene in the St. B maternity ward, I’m left to wonder now: Is there an unwritten rule that if Shaun makes an unsolicited visit or offers unsolicited advice to a fellow doctor, they page Dr. Glassman?
I'm just asking.
WAIT, I JUST THOUGHT OF A BONUS REVELATION...
Since doulas have become more prominent in the years past my childbearing prime, I didn't really think about the fact that in most cases, doulas aren't brought into the picture into the later stages of a woman's pregnancy. Sometimes they are in such demand that they need to be booked well in advance... but by and large, their services aren't needed quite as soon as, say, week 11 😉 All of which leads me to speculate again about Lea going into premature labor and/or delivering by season's end. We know Lea is going to experience "complications" when episode 16 hits on May 10 (yes, there will be at least one more TGD rerun hitting on 5/3)... beyond that--??
I wonder how many episodes Theresa is scheduled for...
OK readers-- it's your turn! What were your thoughts on "Gender Reveal" and how do you think it impacts the rest of the season? The comments section awaits... !
