Much Ado About... An "Irresponsible" 30 Seconds

 I think Imma brace myself for real hardships this time. As Andreas stated above, the hurdles for SHEA relationships have been... peaceful and too perfect. In this world, specifically in Shore world, such a thing doesn't last long...

Basically, I'm weirdly calm now after being so nervous since the promo aired, knowing somehow Shaun and Lea have a certain cow-bell lurking inside their apartment....So, bring on the heavy drama, Shore! Game on! -- Faghost 

With three weeks separating TGD’s “Parenting” episode from the “Irresponsible…” follow-up, there seemed plenty of time to blog about non-#Shea related things, as I do from time to time… Lim’s in deeper trouble now than when I last wrote about her, the Newbies are fighting for screentime and storytime, and is Park just going to stay roommates with Morgan indefinitely or what? To name a few topics…

But I can’t, because our initial shock and surprise from the 4.9 promo has morphed into an unrelenting pot of feelings that are at risk for bubbling over until the evening of February 15. So, like any decent cook who is trying to avoid a big, burned mess on the stove later... I feel a need to stay nearby and keep a hand near the temperature controls. (I’ll leave it to Andreas to stir the contents of this “pot” every now and again; he’s quite good at that 😉

As of today, “When That Damn Promo 4.9 Tells Damn Promo 4.7 ‘Hold My Tequila (Stat)’” has the most views of ANY post I’ve written about The Good Doctor since I started doing so 13 months ago. The second-most viewed post, “Realizing ‘What That Was’” (the big season finale post that dealt most specifically with the final minutes of 3.20 “I Love You”), has been available for about 10 months now. The TDP post? It’s been available for less than two weeks.

And, as I’ve mentioned here and there, over 80 comments were contributed between a dozen of us, including two longtime readers who felt inspired to contribute to the conversation for the first time ever! (Excerpts from said comments are scattered throughout this post.)

While I’m extremely gratified by such numbers, and thank every one of you for being here… I share this information mostly out of sheer fascination that a 30-second promo has generated all this. What is “this”? See, I hesitate to even put a name on it. All this… HEAT? No; that could be misconstrued as the promo itself being “hot” and that’s the very last way most  #Shea fans want to describe Shaun being attracted to another woman. All this… ANGER? Maybe, but that would dismiss the fans who have a more measured, analytical take on what they’ve seen thus far. All this… UNCERTAINTY? Maybe we go with that. Particularly if you’ve seen not only the ABC promo but also the CTV promo (Canada’s network for TGD), which sees the whole attraction thing through a much more lighthearted lens. 

By my count, here are the three big question marks that hang in the air regarding the 2/15 episode (officially titled “Irresponsible Salad Bar Practices”; I’m calling it “Irresponsible...” here):

1. Will we actually have to see Shaun kiss Dr. D’Souza (we’ve seen the set-up, but not an actual kiss)?

I don’t think I’m off the mark in saying many fans are livid
over the idea of Freddie Highmore kissing a guest star when, we assume for COVID reasons, we haven’t seen him liplocked with Lea (Paige Spara) since November. It’s a fact that has nothing to do with the storyline itself, but it doesn’t help matters. At all.

Having said that… in the CTV promo we see Shaun blurt out “We kissed” to Park and Jordan, followed somewhere in there with “My brain isn’t behaving the way I want it to.” My guess is that what we’ve seen thus far represents a dream kiss we won’t actually have to see carried through. My guess? Okay, my HOPE...

Why does it matter? Maybe it doesn’t. We know the intention is there, and clearly that’s enough to set off a lot of us. But for argument’s sake… and keeping in mind how literal-minded Shaun is, as well as how much every millimeter of proximity and physical contact matters to him… it could be the difference between fidelity and infidelity in his mind. (Imagine him telling Lea “We almost kissed but we didn’t actually kiss...”)

2. Is it a fantasy/dream kiss, a real kiss, or both?

Some of us-- definitely not ALL of us, but some-- take comfort in the idea that the kiss is a figment of Shaun’s imagination and nothing more. And that’s definitely a possibility. But even if what we’ve seen thus far is Shaun’s brain in misbehave mode, we’re still left to wonder: if he’s overcome with thoughts of kissing Dr. D’Souza, will that culminate in him kissing her for real by episode’s end?

If so, why does it matter-- especially if it ultimately strengthens his feelings for Lea? Um…that’s a biggie. We’ll get back to that. Promise.

3. How will Lea react to whatever happens? (The idea that he’ll ‘tell her everything’ seems a bygone conclusion)

We got a big hint at the answer to this in the CTV promo, with Lea assuring Shaun that simply feeling attracted to others while in a committed relationship is normal (“I’m still attracted to other guys sometimes,” she tells him, allowing her eyes to follow a good looking man past their cafeteria table as she says it). But we all know that her (very brief) reaction shot in the ABC promo is more distressing. Is it indicative of a real-kiss confession? Will it be a line crossed?  Or is it a red herring, courtesy of ABC promotions?

Will she disappear for a day to clear her head? Put their relationship on “pause”? Head home and ring the hell out of that cowbell?

This one “matters,” of course, because it could be the difference between #Shea figuring out this hurdle together rather than separately. They stand a much better chance if they find a way to do it together, don’t you think? But I’m getting ahead of myself.

...Being happy in a committed relationship with someone doesn't mean that you stop noticing other members of the opposite sex. It's what you do with that attraction that matters.-- Amy D.

And then there are the even bigger question marks looming for the fans most unsettled by the promo:

1. Bigger question to the writers: why this? Why now?

As you already know if you read any of my “Now That They Found Love…” posts last summer (which speculated on challenges, unique and otherwise, that #Shea might face as a couple)... the words “jealousy,” “betrayal,” and “infidelity” are nowhere to be found. It honestly didn’t occur to me that either of them might find themselves in such a situation… not this soon, anyway. 

As far as I can tell, it occurred to very few of you either.

Could that be why the writers opted to go this route? And to do so with the less expected of the two characters (Shaun)? Maybe that’s part of it, but I suspect a lot more than shock value was in mind when the “Irresponsible…” script was written. (The ABC promo, on the other hand? Nothing BUT shock value. Important to keep the story and the promo separate, I think.) 

There are the all-important lessons Shaun has yet to learn about love, lust, and impulse control. There’s the matter of Lea’s confidence and self-esteem-- some of which might be built up via Shaun, but most of which has to come from within. (Think of what was confirmed this week about Lea’s role in the 2/22 “Decrypt” episode, and the fact that all that comes right after whatever “all this” will reveal itself to be on 2/15.)

There are the issues of building “more commitment and trust” that were touched on when Lea moved back in with Shaun. Is it better to tackle matters of (potential) betrayal now rather than later, if Shaun and Lea are to take the ultimate step towards a lifetime together? (Perhaps this is their answer to the “Why now?” question.)

How can any of this happen if Shaun has another woman on his mind? Whether this turns out to be a semi-humorous sidebar to the “Irresponsible…” synopsis, or a footnote of an incident to keep in mind for complications in #Shea’s future, or even one of those storyline catapults TGD likes to employ... they’re betting we still want to watch it unfold, even if we’re uncomfortable with the situation at hand. 

Are they right? Although some viewers have been quite vocal about wanting/needing to skip TGD 4.9 and move right on to episode 4.10, I’m gonna keep on saying it for the rest of the #Shea shippers: trust the writers, trust the process. Even when we don’t like the direction things seem to be headed. Maybe ESPECIALLY in those times. Isn’t that what faith is all about?

2. Bigger question to Shaun, if he could hear us: "How could you….?" 

Most everyone I heard from was as upset about the timing
of the 4.9 promo debut as they were about its contents. For barely a minute had passed since the final #Shea scene in the mighty good “Parenting” episode… one we had expected and looked forward to for months… and then, BAM. Stay tuned three weeks from now because Dr. Murphy-- you know, that guy who loves his girlfriend enough to take time out of his day to confront her parents and seek acceptance on her behalf? Yeah, he’s going to allow a virtual stranger to make a pass at him. Or not. Maybe it’s in his head! Find out 2/15!

So, there was that wicked little juxtaposition. 

As for the How could he…  part, reader Andreas shared (via the comments) the reminder that people with ASD are more likely to act upon their impulses than neurotypical people. (As an autistic man himself, I imagine Andreas is keenly aware of such tendencies. IF Shaun goes through with a real kiss… remember this.)

But as to how Shaun might feel drawn to another woman in the first place? Well… imagine being Shaun and finding an attractive woman drawn to you right away, clear as day, seemingly without any regard for your ASD. You grew up being either ignored or bullied by girls, ultimately either feeling completely invisible or painfully exposed. 

As an adult you’ve had 2 girlfriends… one never seemed to consider you as dating material until you mustered the courage to ask her out; the other (and current one) fought her attraction to you for years out of fear that she couldn’t handle your ASD needs, nor could you handle her NT needs. What if… given all THAT… a beautiful, talented, sure-of-herself doctor not only SAW you right away, but sincerely wanted to see MORE of you? Wouldn’t that be kind of astounding?

Maybe you’d be intrigued to the point that your “brain did things you didn’t want it to”...? 

Maybe you’d be confused enough to keep your distance while you figured it out (assuming you could if you worked with that woman)...?

Or maybe the attraction would override all other questions, including the one Shaun asked in the ABC version of the promo (“Shouldn’t loving Lea make it go away?”)...

Not trying to pour salt in the wound… just trying to see things from a different perspective.

I like the idea of seeing Shaun in new territory. For the first time, we're seeing him as the recipient of someone else's (deliberate) attraction while in a steady, committed relationship. There's the idea of temptation - and the opportunity to overcome it!-- Tony

And by the way, one more wild card in this whole storyline is Dr. D’Souza herself. IS she truly “crushing” on Shaun as I described above? Or might she be put off by his ASD, or is otherwise uninterested? And if she is attracted to him… Is she single, or is she in a committed relationship of her own? How would we feel if she puts the moves on Shaun for real and he bails immediately? Or how would we feel if Lea sought her out for a little chat somewhere in the course of the episode?

As usual, I’m surely thinking bigger than the amount of #Shea time allotted in this particular episode. But my point is there’s SO much we don’t know yet about what we’ll see Monday. 

3. Bigger question to ourselves: Why is this whole idea so deeply upsetting?

        
I confess that I don’t know how Lea will ever be able to trust Shaun again.-- Melanie Meirr

...We see this story reflected on personal stories, and that's why we think about the worst.-- Daphne

There’s a lot to unpack with this one… the more complex one’s thoughts are about fidelity in a committed relationship, the more luggage you’re carrying around:

• What qualifies as infidelity? A kiss? An improper touch? An improper conversation? Or is it only when something more explicit/sexual actually takes place?

• What qualifies as a “committed relationship” other than marriage? Does marriage still qualify if the couple is estranged or otherwise separated? Do the same rules apply to a couple living together without being married?

• How much of a deal-breaker is infidelity? Is it one-strike-and-you’re-out, no matter how far things went? Is it somehow tolerated to an extent? How many variations have you heard from friends, family members, or your own personal experience?

Everyone’s answer varies, and yet one thing might hold true: if YOU feel you’ve been betrayed by your significant other, it might be the one blow from which your relationship will never fully recover. It hits where many are most vulnerable; it shatters trust and self-worth on perhaps the deepest of personal levels. Even if the one who strayed feels true remorse and is willing to try anything to save the relationship… they can never undo what they’ve done. 

I think this is the part that upsets #Shea fans the most-- the idea that Shaun may be on his way to committing the “one blow” from which he and Lea might not recover. Let me rephrase that last part… the idea that SHAUN--of all people!!--may be responsible for the “one blow”...

Because we think of Shaun as practically immune from that kind of temptation, right? Why is that?

Andreas called us out on that, too:

I find it curious that you all want to believe that Shaun kissing someone else must be a dream. You might ask yourself if you are idealizing Shaun and his autism, projecting your wish for purity into a character whose perception is very different to yours...

And I say “us” because I think I’m guilty of it myself. Have I put him on a pedestal? How much of my personal dismay comes from thinking Shaun’s not the kind of guy that would do that… vs. Shaun would surprise me if he did that (because his ASD gives him an almost angelic innocent quality if I’m being totally honest?)

It’s worth a thought or two, isn’t it? I want to say Shaun’s not that kind of guy because he’s so devoted to Lea; the “straying” mentality just isn’t part of his personality… but how much of his personality is shaped by his ASD? A condition known for a lack of impulse control, as Andreas said?

It’s occurred to me, as I write all this, that Lea may have Shaun on the very same pedestal as the rest of us.... and she may not realize it herself until Shaun does/says whatever he’s going to do/say about Dr. D’Souza. We all remember what she said back in the “Autopsy” episode: “You’re a wonderful man, Shaun… maybe the most wonderful man I’ve ever met.”

If he does something heretofore unexpected in the “Irresponsible…” episode-- or even if he doesn't-- maybe it’s meant to be a necessary grounding moment for both of them.

And, by extension, viewers like us.

Just a thought.

(There are plenty of "thoughts" to go around on this particular upcoming episode... share yours in the comments if you're so inclined!)

(Especially if you're a guy... we probably need more male representation in the comments. Especially on this topic.)

State of the #SHEA Part 27: "Parenting" and Other Predictable Disasters

 

*** UNABASHED SENTIMENTALITY ALERT ***

I had an ending in mind for TGD’s “Parenting” (4.8) episode

before it ever aired. In fact, I wrote it out, printed
it out, and took this picture of it (!) alongside a January 24th newspaper in a weird effort to prove I’d come up with it in advance (should the actual show come up with anything remotely similar). 

They didn’t come up with anything remotely similar. What they DID do, less than a minute after the final #Shea scene of the episode, was knock us over with you-know-what… and I’d all but forgotten my “alternate ending” in the aftermath. But here it is anyway (I’ll just repost it here quickly so you don’t have to blow up the picture):

--

Near the end of the episode… after whatever goes down goes down, and at least a partial amends is made… A situation presents itself where Mike Dilallo (who has proven himself at this point to be supportive of Lea/Shaun, or at least is coming around to the idea of doing so) is alone with Shaun for a few minutes before he and Pam Dilallo fly back to Hershey. 

In expressing his approval to Shaun, he reaches into his pocket and produces a diamond ring. A family heirloom. He wants Shaun to consider using it “when the time is right.” (BONUS POINTS IF HE INDICATES IT’S THE RING GRANDPA ROD USED TO PROPOSE TO LEA’S GRANDMA.) “I’ll… consider it,” Shaun tells him once he’s processed the idea. 

IF we were to see Shaun and Lea together in a scene after this one… say, she rejoins him after the parents have driven away or whatever… she’ll say “What was that about?” And when Shaun doesn’t answer right away, she’ll follow up with “Just… tell me you two ended things on a good note.” 

Shaun will then simply respond, “We did.” 

(Such a scene between Shaun and Papa D would be perfect for a “previously on The Good Doctor…” clipshow leading into whatever episode it turns out to be that Shaun pops the question) 😊

--

(Shrug) I couldn’t help myself. BUT, that would have also been telegraphing the future in a way that TGD may simply not want to do. 

ANYWAY… Lots to talk about with this, arguably our most #Shea-ful episode since “Friends and Family.” Speaking of which, did you notice the distanced way that Shaun spoke of parents throughout the episode? Whether it was the opening scene (“We’re adults… why would it matter what your parents think?”), or the minute of discussing what the different doctors call their father (Shaun thought “coach” was as good a term as any, referencing the 14-year-old gymnast case-of-the-week; most of the other docs objected), or the way Shaun referenced Lea’s parents in the past tense-- twice-- as if their work as parents came to an end when Lea became an adult. It makes sense if you’re him, right? His parents didn’t do much, let alone anything positive, by the time he’d turned 14. No wonder the concept of winning parental approval was so foreign to him!

But, in yet another lovely extension of “I care that YOU care,” Shaun took the attitude If it’s important to Lea, it’s important to both of us and ran with it… all the way to the Dilallos’ hotel, in fact. 

Was that your favorite part of the episode? What a thrill to have so many scenes to choose from, right? For me, I think the fewer expectations for a particular element of the story= more enjoyable overall.

Before I list the seven #Shea/#Shea-related scenes from “Parenting” in order of personal favor… I think an honorable mention is in order for the scene between Shaun and Claire that prompted the simulation dinner. Not only because it’s always nice to see Shaun interact with Claire-- his longest-standing ally at the hospital, outside of Glassman-- but because of something noteworthy Claire said in that scene: “You are who you are… and who you are is great!” 

A great thing to say, but did anyone else wince a little, remembering Lea’s words on the bridge last season at the end of “Fixation”: You are who you are, and I am who I am… and the two of us will never work….?

I wonder if “Parenting” scriptwriter Patti Carr was aware of that exchange?

Oh, and I also found the way Shaun said “It does… but I need pizza” adorable.

--

OK, 7 favorite scenes in order… here we go:

#7: “I’m going to email you some talking points, mostly subjects to avoid… it’s gonna be a very long list.”  (OPENING SCENE)

This, our tip-off for the rest of the episode, is lowest on the list simply because its purpose is the simplest (setting the pace and tone of life in the land of #Shea for the episode). Interesting that it was not only the leadoff scene, but it came at us “cold,” with no establishing shot (exterior of St. Bonaventure, or cafeteria wide shot). Just Lea, delivering the news about her parents’ pending “ambush” to Shaun pretty much as she received it. Not a second to spare in “Parenting,” I guess! 

But we had enough time to assess what would be the mood for both characters throughout the show: Lea anxious, agitated and upset, Shaun generally laid back (although he certainly had his more anxious moments once he understood Lea’s concerns better). 

Another interesting note: This was the first time since last season when Shaun and Lea were sitting in the cafeteria talking, and Shaun ended things abruptly when his phone chimed (“I have to go”). Pre-coupledom, Lea just kind of watched him dart off with medicine on his mind. Now, we hear her kinda sorta excusing him (“Fine…”) and then following up with the directive about her subjects-to-avoid texts. Which, of course, she started sending immediately.

(NOTE: Technically speaking, I know Shaun left a #Shea conversation abruptly at least one other time this season-- I’m thinking of right after Lea told him she’d move back into the apartment-- but since it wasn’t his usual pop-up-and-go spot, AND since their conversation was basically over anyway, I’m letting that one slide.)

P.S. For anyone wondering why the 1985 NBA Draft Lottery was on Lea's "avoid" list... 1985 was the first year a Lottery was used, and according to this video, it was able to be "rigged" as a result. (Highly unlikely that Shaun would ever discuss basketball at all though, which leads me to believe she's given a similar "list" to many boyfriends in the past that met her dad.)

#6: “They might want to yell at us, in which case we should not open the door…” (CLOSING #SHEA SCENE)

If I was directing this episode, I would have included a shot (or shot sequence) that showed Mike and Pam’s faces as Shaun closed the apartment door on them. I get why (“Parenting” director) Rachel Leiterman didn’t; there was definitely a laugh to be had the way she did it. I just think there might’ve been a little extra wink of satisfaction if they did it my way. But Leiterman’s way was less conventional/expected, so I’ve got to respect that!

Anyway, after Shaun’s takedown in the hotel lobby we figured there would be some sort of pleasant resolution, right? Not for all time, necessarily—what would be the fun in that—but extending an olive branch in the form of taking Shaun and Lea out to dinner (sorry pancakes-in-progress, maybe stick around for a midnight snack later?) was a fine way to go. And with Mike and Pam having to text their request to Lea through the closed front door, #Shea had the opportunity to discuss the matter before accepting… another example of them handling challenges together.

Lea left the decision to Shaun—and whether it was because he’d made the last move in the situation (gotta presume Shaun filled Lea in his hotel lobby visit, right?) or simply because her parents’ issue had centered around him all along, it was the right way to go. As for Shaun’s response—“I think… they must’ve been good parents. I think we should have dinner with them.”—it was classic Shaun in its simplicity. Could the question of whether or not they were “good parents” really be solved by their decision to come spend some more time with Shaun and Lea before going back East? Of course not. But in the moment, they were doing what they could to mend some of their damage… and judging from the apologetic look on their faces when we DID finally see them at the door, that was good enough. For now. 

#5: “I’m in character; please address me as ‘Pam.’” 

Admittedly, this scene prompted some expectations for me as soon as the publicity photos went public. That’s why it’s down here at #5--I couldn’t help but overlook a very missed opportunity with Morgan at that table. My thinking is if you’re not going to use her but for that early exchange… and the “twisted biotch” doesn’t get to throw even one dart in Lea’s direction… why not put Debbie in there instead? I think that could’ve been a lot more interesting, if only to help Debbie drum up some sympathy points for Lea ASAP. (Many of us see Debbie/Lea as fast friends waiting to happen, you see…)

Maybe Sheila Kelley (Debbie) was who they wanted, but wasn’t available for COVID-recovery reasons or otherwise… so the chair went to Morgan. In any case, the focus shifted rapidly from Lea’s parents to Shaun’s “parent”... let’s talk about that:

• Glassman hijacks the conversation midway through (apparently concluding that Lea’s scripted efforts weren’t worth the trouble… another small jab) “what happens when Lea’s parents express real concern about their daughter?” – and just when you think he’s going to go where it needs to go (because that’s where it DOES go, with Mama/Papa D), Glassman says “Concerns any parent would have” and hits the basic (and, incorrect) things as if they were both neurotypical: You two barely know each other… You haven’t dated very long; now you’re living together … This relationship is moving too fast! 

Quite a statement from the man who essentially asked his current wife to marry him after only one date, no? Glassy the Grouch… DUDE… come on. (Maybe THAT’S why Debbie wasn’t utilized; because the hypocrisy of Glassy’s statement would have been too glaring to overlook.)

• Thankfully Lea came right in with her sound, assured retort (“You’re wrong,”) before explaining to a befuddled Shaun that this was not Lea telling “Mike” off, but Glassman himself. Not to worry, though, for Shaun was about to bring his own variety of Glassman-directed shade to the conversation…

•  “You can’t prepare for how these evenings can go wrong, Families are full of surprises—” Glassy began.

“Like how you don’t like Lea,” Shaun interrupted.

CRICKETS… CRICKETS… CRICKETS  “I never… actually… said that.”

Here we have “surprise” served up at least three different ways:

1)  As I see it, this dinner simulation was what was
“full of surprises” much more than anything that went down at the real dinner.

2)  Shaun didn’t seem aware of the continued discomfort between Lea and Glassman until Lea pointed it out that morning in the cafeteria. Hence, that too was a “surprise”…

3)  … But it was a surprise exactly as Shaun delivered it. To Glassman’s face, there at the table, right in front of Lea (and Morgan). And it seemed like more than an ill-timed honest moment on Shaun’s part. They ended the scene on a shot of Shaun, and he looked pretty displeased with Glassman to my eyes.

4)  As far Glassy’s slow, no-way-to-save-this denial? Well, maybe that much wasn’t a surprise at all.  

#4: “They don’t. Not the most. Not anymore.”

First off—I know everyone on the set of TGD is a grown-up, but I must admit I hope there’s an outtake of the beginning of this scene that has Paige Spara unable to keep a straight face as Freddie says I searched “eating meat near me”, which was a mistake… 

I mean, COME ON. That was hilarious.

Okay, on with this scene. An excellent point made by reader Daniela in the comments on my last post: even though Shaun’s response about Lea’s parents supposedly loving her most in the world was endearing and sweet and maybe just what Lea needed in that moment… well…”He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Daniela said. She’s referring to the fact that different kinds of love (familial, romantic, etc.) don’t have to compete for real estate in one’s heart-- the kind of thing Shaun hasn’t dealt with yet in adulthood, but might understand better
if/when he becomes a father. Maybe that’s why Lea appeared to under-react to that particular confession of love from Shaun; she appreciated it immensely, but...

As for “Leave it to my mom; she took us both out in one shot”: I KNEW the bigger problem would be with Lea’s mother! The first red flag cropped up with Shaun’s earlier-season note that her voice gets annoying “especially when she talks to her mother on the phone” (Newbies)... that’s anxiety he hears creeping into Lea’s voice when dealing with Mama D. 

How about her relationship with her father? My guess is they have a certain, somewhat limited closeness. I didn’t get the impression from this episode that he’s the overbearing type; on the contrary, he may be argumentative (as came up repeatedly in Shaun’s dinner prep), but I don’t think he digs into the heavy issues with both hands. That might be a hint to a bigger issue with Lea and Papa D, which in turn could be representative of Lea’s relationship with men in general up to now: he’s approachable, but only about things that interest him (maybe he helped Lea cultivate her love of cars, for instance… along with Grandpa Rod of course). Anything personal? Anything emotionally fraught? Why don’t you go talk to your mother about this. And IF Mama D. has had issues with “self-medication” during Lea’s lifetime—still a question mark, as it obviously didn’t come up in this episode—that means she too was surely unavailable, mentally and/or physically, for Lea at times. Lots of distance, not a lot of positive reinforcement-- or time taken to even find out what her best qualities might be (other than the very general “a big heart”-- Papa D’s words in the hotel lobby). 

So there, that’s my unofficial diagnosis of Lea’s low self-esteem roots! I’d love to hear whatever clues YOU drew from the episode… 

Aside from the clarity given about the Dilallos’ take on #Shea, there was a certain symmetry to enjoy with the general topic of the scene: It was a rare discussion on how Shaun deals with “civilians” (people who aren’t his family/colleagues/patients), and for all the ways Shaun, and others with ASD, are seen as socially immature… it’s Lea who questions her ability to be grown-up enough to work through her parents’ issues.

By the way-- there wasn’t time of course, but it also would have been cool to acknowledge what was different when Lea was “the person who met him” 3 ½ years ago… why she wasn’t uncomfortable around him.

#3 “I suggest we treat this evening like hemorrhoid surgery.”

The highest expectations probably went into this scene… and generally speaking, they were met. Plenty of tension, punctuated by several awkward laughs (mostly courtesy of Shaun).Still…

• I really expected more awkward questions… the ones Shaun fielded were more patronizing than anything else. 

• No ex-husband reference AT ALL after the previous week? Really? 

• And while we’re on omissions...no brother Donnie reference either??  

I know time was limited, and I almost feel bad complaining because we got A LOT in this episode. But I feel like they could have made room for at least ONE reference. They could’ve dropped Donnie’s name at dinner; the folks could’ve mentioned the ex in the hotel lobby. Seem like easy fixes to me.

Otherwise, I made these notes about the Dilallo dinner:

• Lea’s “Want more wine?” that came between Shaun’s “Hemorrhoid surgery!” and Pam D’s “Excuse me?” was a reflexive attempt to change the subject; she obviously was worried about where Shaun was about to go with that statement. A sign that, while she’s grown accustomed to Shaun’s dialogue quirks, she still may be uncomfortable with them in certain company.

• When the story about hemorrhoid surgery turned out to be a perfectly amusing ice-breaker, the relief on both Shaun and Lea’s faces was visible from outer space.

• 
  Shaun’s hemorrhoid talk was actually his own way of
  diffusing a specific tension rising between mother and daughter. Pam said “Honestly, Lea, if we’re so impossible to talk to, why even have us here?” and Lea shot her a look that, had Shaun not interjected at that point, would’ve followed with “I didn’t have you here, Mom, you insisted on it and this is why I’ve dreaded tonight ever since.”

• The laughter that followed the hemorrhoid talk was welcome, but I could feel the patronizing undercurrent getting even stronger than when Mama D asked Shaun if being a surgeon was hard “for him.”

  
  
  By the scene’s end, Mama and Papa D’s evening had turned into “OK, this is cute, we’re game for the night… but absolutely no more than that.” Cue the text (I’m assuming it was actually a series of texts) to Lea the next day.

#2: “You knew her then… you don’t know her now.” 

We’d been waiting for this one.

Not because we needed to hear Shaun reinforce his love for Lea, or defend his ability to be in a relationship with her—that’s not what this was about. What we needed to see was Shaun standing up for her. He’s done it all along, mind you… to Glassman, to Morgan, to Vera-down-in-the-earthquake, really to anyone who’s ever said anything negative about her. But to track the Dilallos down at their hotel with the specific purpose of not only defending Lea, but finding the right words to turn them around at least a little bit? And do it all knowing a) verbal communication is especially difficult for him when upset, and b) his trademark “brutal honesty” is not likely to be appreciated?

So yes, this was rather epic on Shaun’s part. A few specific notes I made:

1)  When Papa D politely dismissed Shaun near the start of the scene (“No offense, Shaun, but this is between family”), I half-expected Shaun to respond with Lea is MY family… but that’s not Shaun, is it? To him, it’s still a great honor just to be able to call Lea his girlfriend.

 

2)  Mama D saying “And she’ll do anything to get under our skin; you wouldn’t believe some of the people she’s dated…”—just me, or did anyone else take that to imply Lea was only with Shaun as a new way to piss her parents off? If so, maybe she was under their skin in a new way, with a relationship so above-par they didn’t know what to make of it. So, annoyed and confused, they defaulted to what they knew best and assumed the worst is still lurking on the road ahead.

 

3)  Honest to God, though, how could they still think that after letting Shaun speak his peace? Even if they focused on the ways he (gently) turned the mirror on them--“All you know are her mistakes, and you don’t trust her because you’re not sure you were good parents… I make Lea patient because I can be very frustrating. So can the two of you… Maybe this challenge will make your relationship stronger, too”—that’s got to be the most respectful and thoughtful way they’ve been treated by anyone in Lea’s life. Maybe by anyone, period!.

 

4)  It’s a longshot I guess, but I’d love to know that some TGD fans “on the fence” about #Shea—or maybe just Lea—saw a little of themselves in Pam and Mike Dilallo and may become more amenable to the couple themselves after this episode. If you happen to hear of any let us know, OK?

 

 

5)  Since they had less to say in the hotel scene, we had more opportunity to quietly observe the performances of Julie Werner (Pam) and Barclay Hope (Mike). Of course we all had our “dream cast” picks for Lea’s folks, but I definitely feel these two did great work with what they were given in this episode. (Is it a good thing that I see a possible addiction issue in Mama D’s past after watching Werner’s performance? Because I felt that. Even if she hadn’t been gulping her wine during the stressful dinner scene.) We officially approve of seeing them in future episodes/future seasons, right?

 

6)  Finally, who didn’t love the shot of Shaun taking a congratulatory green apple for himself as he walked away? I would add that he should’ve treated himself to a stack of pancakes on the way home, but maybe that’s why he and Lea were eating them in the final scene😉

 

#1: “I’m not going to stop worrying about him. Even if he doesn’t need me to.”  

 

“Stop it! You’re gonna make me cry,” Lea snarked when Glassman initially came over to her in the St. B café (best name I’ve got for this particular locale).  But by the end of the scene, both she and Glassy were on the verge of tears for real, weren’t they?

 

The demands for this scene may have been considerably fewer than others in “Parenting”—no new characters to put across, no true plot-advancing dialogue, a lot less tension coursing through the characters at hand—and maybe that’s why it was my favorite. But it helped that what was done was done so well.

 

The tension was still there, but it ran on two lower levels: the semi-amusing, “Glassy-still-doesn’t-like-Lea” level established at the start of the episode, and whatever undercurrent remained from the last time we’d seen Glassy and Lea in the same room. Which was, of course, the brewpub in last season’s “Hurt” episode.

 

Since then we witnessed Glassy smoothing Shaun’s COVID- ruffled feathers during the height of his pandemic separation from Lea, and we briefly saw him advising Shaun after the annoying-voice incident in “Newbies” (though the advice he gave was unclear). But how did he really feel now that they were finally a They? We weren’t sure until this episode. I strongly suspect HE wasn’t sure until this episode either. But, with the help of a couple of looong overdue minutes in the café, we confirmed that he likes her more than he likes to let on… that he loves Shaun like the son he never had (not really news, but his role in this episode certainly cements the idea)… and while he will worry about Shaun long after it may prove necessary, because that’s what parents often do, Lea won’t likely be the reason for that worry.

 

Unless she were to “make (Shaun) very, very sad.” But let’s not put that cart out before the horse anytime soon; plenty of other things to worry about. For now, I’m enjoying that these two finally share a mutual appreciation for each other’s role in Shaun’s life. If Shaun ever needs a solid example of the heart having room for (at least) two different kinds of love, he should look no further than these two.

 

Oh, and Lea cleaning Glassy’s tie was a marvelous way to end the scene.

How did YOU feel about all the different feels that got served up during the "Parenting" episode? Jump into the comments and let us know... whether it's your first time commenting or your 101st, I read 'em all!