Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Now Boitano's Cookin'... (Sunday Afternoons, to be More Specific)

It’s not that I’ve been ignoring Brian Boitano’s soon-to-premiere Food Network opus (which, in case you haven’t heard, is called What Would Brian Boitano Make? as a tongue-in-cheek nod to the South Park classic ditty What Would Brian Boitano Do?). Far from it, in fact. I’ve been to his corner of the Food Network website, read the online bio, seen the videos. (Very clever stuff, most of those.)

But every time I decide I’d better write something about his show, something seems to happen: another skater comes out of retirement, another skater shuffles coaches, another skater announces they’ll be choreographing this year to music from the band Linkin Park…(what? Oh yes. But I’m not going to let this divert me… gotta get my Boitano article written before the dang show premieres… and because I may not get another posting in before I go out of town for the weekend. The Linkin Park story will have to wait.)

What Would BB Make? premieres this Sunday at 1PM/12 Central Time. Since I’m not privy to an advance copy of the show, I’ve come up instead with…

The Top Five Things I Hope We Never, Ever See on Boitano’s New Show

#5: Skates cutting steaks. It sounds cute, but just… no.

#4: Low-cut tops on Brian (unless it’s for his hilarious promo where he’s prancing around San Francisco in a red pleather jumpsuit). The low-cut market on Food Network is clearly cornered by Giada De Laurentiis. ‘Nuff said.

#3. Any and all use of the word “Yummo”.

#2. Any attempts to upgrade the food at 98% of all skating rink concession stands in America. If it hasn’t improved by now, it’s JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

And the #1 Thing I Hope We Never, Ever See on Boitano’s New Show:
An Orser/Boitano Rematch, Iron-Chef Style. I was going to say that I couldn’t bear to see Orser lose again, even in a cookoff… but now I’m starting to wonder if such a “rematch” might, instead, be outstanding no matter what the outcome. Hmmm. Maybe Season 2?

Just because it’s there and it’s a lovely antidote to a hot summer day… the
Clip of the Day has nothing to do with Boitano’s new show but, instead, features his glorious skating in the beautifully produced 1988 special Canvas of Ice.

No comments: