Definition of welp
--used informally like well (as to introduce a
remark expressing resignation or disappointment)
I will, because we need to talk about it, but I don’t want to. At least not at the moment.
I wanted to jot down some things before bed, but the comments are still flying on Twitter, and I had at least 3 DMs in progress a minute ago… ugh. I’ll try again in the morning.
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It's Wednesday night now, and I’m trying hard to sort out this big jumble of disorganized thought. I have Beth Orton’s “Ooh Child” cover on repeat… mood music. Inspiration.
I went ahead and listed some possible outcomes for this pregnancy in my “No Party, No Disco, A Little Fooling Around” post, figuring the last thing it was likely to be was a full-term, sitcom-optional delivery (meaning one that might have elicited some chuckles along with happy tears; Shaun’s ability to juggle doctor and dad tested to its highest potential while also trying to let the doula do her thing)...
But along the way, they’d convinced me they were going all the way with this. In five episodes (not counting “We’re All Crazy Sometimes,” where we learned of the pregnancy in the final moments), we were fully immersed in this possibility of #Shea parenthood. The decision to have the child in the first place… the disconnection/reconnection… the doula decision… the revelation that it was a girl… the ties to parenthood that solidified a little more with the “Waiting” episode. It all served to endear this budding family all the more to not just Shaun and Lea, but US. We mused about foreshadowing, and how/when Lea would deliver. We eagerly anticipated scenes of them converting the spare bedroom into a nursery. We voted on baby names on Twitter.
When Lea went down in front of the hospital, I thought that would be the worst of it. I really did.
And then those promos… those damn promos… my goodness. They’ve now gone from Much Ado About Nothing to Not Enough Ado About Something. Then late last week they crafted a “new” promo, mostly of old clips, hyping the final stretch of new episodes while sneaking in a shot of Lea needing that oxygen mask. Then we got more signs via those quasi-promos they do for social media: Lea in that scan room. Lines about Shaun not being able to protect Lea. Rumors. Big spoilers. Mentions of heartbreak. Emojis of broken hearts. But no! “Heartbreak” was last year, around this point in the season… the episode was literally named “Heartbreak,” remember?
But ‘tis the season for heartbreak where TGD is concerned, for fear of great loss= heartbreak.
Season 1: Dr. Glassman has what is initially believed to be an inoperable brain tumor, leaving Shaun devastated at the possibility of losing him. (In retrospect it’s still amazing how much story they packed into the S1 finale-- if they were doing 20 eps a season back then, surely this brain tumor would have been drawn out over 2 or 3 episodes.)
Season 2: Shaun gets fired courtesy of (the evil) Dr. Han in episode 17 (their third episode of interaction), leaving Shaun in emotional (and soon physical) tatters at the loss of his job.
Season 3: Shaun’s initial confession of love to Lea results in what I saw written in many places as “Lea’s double-rejection,” a term I take issue with considering how complex the matter was. Nonetheless, Shaun is heartbroken by the apparent loss of both his best friend and the love that shoulda coulda been.
And now, in Season 4, the heartbreak and loss comes to both Shaun and Lea by way of the miscarriage. Of course Baby Girl Shea was taken from them, from us. Of course.
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The lines of dialogue flew by quickly, but they DID state that Lea was 22 weeks into the pregnancy in “Dr. Ted.” At that stage the baby is about the size of a spaghetti squash, and hair is starting to grow on its head. It’s also two weeks shy of being considered even remotely viable outside the womb, so a premature delivery wasn’t an option.
Two little weeks. Two huge weeks.
The way Lea was flanked by the women midway through the episode, sharing their stories, while Shaun heard those of the men in the OR… it was sweet, but more than that, it brought most everyone on the show (with Morgan a notable exception; Glassman less so) closer together in a way they haven’t really been able to do before. Between this, and the “Ooh Child” montage at the end as Shaun and Lea made their way out of the hospital… this loss was profound in the way it touched them ALL. More than ever, it feels like every one of them (yes, Morgan too) wants Shaun to triumph… and with Lea as much a part of him as she is now, to want it for Shaun is to want it for both of them.
But all my fears about the rumors being true were aligning when Lea’s initial surgery was completed so early in the show (and she hadn’t had that oxygen mask scene yet). And when the story about Jordan’s “runaway tortoise” was the closing note of Act 3(?)... when they went to commercial with the women laughing, rather than a moment of dramatic tension… that’s when all my mental alarms were going off, noting the fixture of gut-wrenching drama. We just witnessed a rare moment of shared levity; the calm before the storm. This is the pace for tragedy.
I was scrambling to think of options other than them losing the baby: Lea makes it through surgery/surgeries fine, but is deemed “high risk” for the remainder of the pregnancy. Lea has a close call during surgery, but Shaun scrubs in and saves the day. The baby has a close call during surgery but Shaun scrubs in and saves the day. Something. Anything.
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Before more talk about the WHY, a few other noteworthy things within the episode:
- Shaun grew quieter and quieter as “Dr. Ted” progressed. At the start he’s pacing, he’s talking relatively fast, he’s compiled lists, for heaven’s sake. Same for when he’s arguing for a spot on Lea’s surgical team; same for when he takes his argument to Glassy. Midway through, he’s more hesitant-- still delivering info (his specialty) to Lea, but listening more as his worries intensify. By the last two acts he’s all but overtaken by a methodical silence… and sorrow.
Several took note of the fact that Glassy could have delivered Dr. Ted to Lea directly, but chose to bring him to Shaun at the apartment instead. And while he was there for Shaun as the D & C began (D & C, by the way, is short for “dilation and curettage” or the process of clearing a uterus after a miscarriage), we still didn’t see him anywhere near Lea in this episode. Could he have been actively avoiding her, some wonder? I’m not certain; could have been a simple time shortage on the scriptwriters’ part (or a need to prioritize Glassman’s angry scene with Wolke)... we’ll have to see what they give us in 17 and 18. I’m trying hard not to expect more than we’ll likely get.
“What kind of mother loses her baby’s first teddy bear?” Lea wailed when she misplaced Dr. Ted in the company of Lim/Claire/Jordan, and in the wake of the rest of the episode, I couldn’t help but hear the parallel to “Hubert” that you might have noted too... “How am I supposed to (get my life back on track) when I can’t keep a damn fish alive?” It does indeed make me wonder how much she’ll blame herself for this miscarriage. And whether she tries to single out certain activities she did while pregnant, or the fact that she initially didn’t want to stay pregnant at all-- or even worse, sees herself as defective (to borrow Shaun’s description of the late great Hubert)-- the challenge Shaun faces in helping lift her up from that way of thinking is substantial.
The way the show orchestrated the news of the baby’s final fate was so impressive, I give them a pass for it initially feeling a little contrived…
Shaun was essentially “hiding out” in the diagnostic lab area when Wolke happened upon him; we’d seen him do this before, but this time it was because he already knew Baby Girl Shea couldn’t survive… and he couldn’t bring himself to tell Lea.
Shaun engaged in a brief conversation with Wolke about his concerns for patient Maxine, and this is where it felt contrived to me-- I think Shaun could’ve cared less about Wolke’s concerns, especially in that moment, and he’s not much for small talk, as we know. But the conversation is where Shaun plucked out Wolke’s words Time is hope and crafted a reason for avoiding Lea. It was a reason quickly debunked by Claire, but by then the scene had what it needed-- a means by which Claire could explain what had happened without having to be the one to tell Lea.
The one to “tell” Lea, of course, didn’t have to say anything at all. And watching Lea’s face dim with despair, her whole body sinking almost imperceptibly as Shaun came to sit alongside her… it was almost as agonizing as her sobs became a few moments later.
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So why do this? Many a viewer has asked…
Some Tweets I caught over the past few days included the following words of angst towards TGD writers and/or showrunners:
“How could you?”
“I don’t forgive the writers for this one.”
“So heartbreaking, upsetting and disappointing.”
“Why would ‘TGD’ do this to me?”
Some viewers who happen to also be readers of this blog came and vented via the comments section of my last post: Tony, for instance, was livid over the crass comments being made by other parts of TGD “fandom” actually expressing joy for the miscarriage. Mo (aka Hippy Dippy Scot), on the other hand… well, let’s just say she says she’s not going to watch TGD anymore. (If you’re still reading, Mo, we wish you the best!)
Reader Melanie Meirr shared the sentiments of many viewers with these words:
“I have a friend who was pregnant and was so excited about the pregnancy, like Lea… she lost her baby. I was so sad for her. What happened to Lea hurt me.”
There are so many stories out there of premature loss; miscarriages and stillbirths and late-term abortions and even worse, it was practically taboo to speak of them not that long ago. My mother-in-law gave birth to four children in the 1970s, my husband being the eldest of them… but even before he was born, his mom had suffered a loss through stillbirth. Then, somewhere between the third and fourth child-- a miscarriage. In the case of the stillborn child, half of a burial plot was purchased so they could give the child a proper burial. Half a plot. Can you imagine dealing with pain like this, sometimes several times over… or even worse, having to push that pain deep down and NOT deal with it because so many need you for so much, day in and day out? For years?
If you’ve lived it yourself, or been close to someone who has, I hope “Dr. Ted” and whatever follows on TGD is able to bring some degree of solace and comfort, as shared experiences (even fictional ones) often do.
Andreas, a frequent commenter here who writes much, much faster than I do (dammit), noted on his latest Reddit post “The Day After” that one in six pregnancies end in miscarriage. That’s a lot of sadness, and grief, and (eventual) recovery. Maybe one of the reasons to put Shaun and Lea through this is as time-honored as any-- to mirror real life, and in doing so create a path to healing that perhaps wasn’t there before.
Something else that Andreas covers in great detail in “The Day After” is the matter of autistic parenthood-- which, as you might guess, is portrayed in the arts even less frequently than autism in general. Andreas points out that if TGD had gone the distance with this pregnancy, it would have saddled Shaun and Lea with infant-to-toddler issues for the duration of the show’s run while never really getting to deal with the “meatier” (my word, not Andreas’) challenges that might crop up later with an ASD diagnosis.
I’ll add in here that there was also the lingering question How would Shaun handle being a 5th-year surgical resident while also navigating newfound parenthood?... maybe a decision was made that Shaun wouldn’t realistically handle it well enough, which could lead to darker developments than the show wants to explore…? I’m spitballing here of course, but if that happened to be a reason, kudos to the show for acknowledging its limits.
As for how dark TGD does want to go with the miscarriage-- obviously that remains to be seen. But a huge part of why the show is “doing this to us” is the straight-up drama of it all…
Did we want to see a shattered-looking Shaun break his toy scalpel in the aftermath of his dismissal by Dr. Han? No.
Did we appreciate hearing Lea blurt out to Shaun last year that he couldn’t “fix” his autism? Hell no!
Is the memory of Shaun standing alongside the Striped Tomato-- angry, alcohol-fueled, and despondent-- something we cherish? OH HELL TO THE NO.
But in each and every season thus far, we’ve wondered How will he ever… and then, one way or another, he does.
In short, I believe we’ve gotta keep trusting the writers. I said it last year too, and I didn't regret it (obviously). We viewers tend to be pretty weak on predicting the details of any given journey, but at least where #Shea is concerned, I believe we all see the same destination. I really do.
Which leads me to a relatively brief take on Where does #Shea Go From Here?
The most important thing the miscarriage does, in my mind, is add significant layers to the Shaun and Lea chronicles we’re already familiar with. We know Shaun struggles with communication and emotions, and we know Lea struggles with his struggles. With these things they’re getting better all the time… but the miscarriage will require SERIOUS “leveling up.”
One form the additional layers take is the likely situation of Lea shoving her darkest thoughts aside in an effort to protect Shaun from her pain. Lord knows that won’t work for long.
Shaun, meanwhile, will surely struggle to both “access his feelings” (as Glassman so aptly put it last week) and be what Lea needs at any given moment.
The pace at which all this happens-- hopefully with a clear path to recovery in sight by the end of the season finale-- will require a LOT of development and progression over the span of four episodes. So, as always, I’ll be on the lookout for key lines that can make or break a conversation… and of course, storyline “catapults” I’ve brought up from time to time are as likely to crop up as ever. (The upcoming mission trip of the 2-part season finale sounds like a huge catapult candidate all by itself!)
I think both Shaun and Lea will need some significant moments of real catharsis in order to move forward-- both together, and as individuals. Whether it happens separately, or as a unit (I love the idea of Shaun and Lea throwing rocks together into some Guatemalan waterway, yelling It’s not fair! At the top of their lungs until they collapse in each other’s arms), I have hope that the mission trip can somehow bring them home to each other in a beautiful way.
One last thing…
I play this little game that I call The Gospel According to iPod. Simply stated, I hit “shuffle” on a given iTunes playlist (yes, I still use iTunes and even have an iPod that kind of works) when I’m having a particularly challenging day or week, and the first three songs that crop up I then try to weave into a meaningful context.
Here are the three songs that cropped up when I played The Gospel According to iPod Tuesday morning, as I kept #Shea and their forever #Sheababy in mind…
“What is This Thing Called Love” (Lena Horne)
“Run to Me” (Bee Gees)
“Angels” (Robbie Williams)
These three songs really clicked for me. Do they click for you?
Till next week--
(Be sure to share your thoughts and feelings about “Dr. Ted” in the comments if you’re so inclined!)
