I had an ending in mind for TGD’s “Parenting” (4.8) episode
before it ever aired. In fact, I wrote it out, printed
it out, and took this picture of it (!) alongside a January 24th newspaper in a weird effort to prove I’d come up with it in advance (should the actual show come up with anything remotely similar).
They didn’t come up with anything remotely similar. What they DID do, less than a minute after the final #Shea scene of the episode, was knock us over with you-know-what… and I’d all but forgotten my “alternate ending” in the aftermath. But here it is anyway (I’ll just repost it here quickly so you don’t have to blow up the picture):
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Near the end of the episode… after whatever goes down goes down, and at least a partial amends is made… A situation presents itself where Mike Dilallo (who has proven himself at this point to be supportive of Lea/Shaun, or at least is coming around to the idea of doing so) is alone with Shaun for a few minutes before he and Pam Dilallo fly back to Hershey.
In expressing his approval to Shaun, he reaches into his pocket and produces a diamond ring. A family heirloom. He wants Shaun to consider using it “when the time is right.” (BONUS POINTS IF HE INDICATES IT’S THE RING GRANDPA ROD USED TO PROPOSE TO LEA’S GRANDMA.) “I’ll… consider it,” Shaun tells him once he’s processed the idea.
IF we were to see Shaun and Lea together in a scene after this one… say, she rejoins him after the parents have driven away or whatever… she’ll say “What was that about?” And when Shaun doesn’t answer right away, she’ll follow up with “Just… tell me you two ended things on a good note.”
Shaun will then simply respond, “We did.”
(Such a scene between Shaun and Papa D would be perfect for a “previously on The Good Doctor…” clipshow leading into whatever episode it turns out to be that Shaun pops the question) 😊
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(Shrug) I couldn’t help myself. BUT, that would have also been telegraphing the future in a way that TGD may simply not want to do.
ANYWAY… Lots to talk about with this, arguably our most #Shea-ful episode since “Friends and Family.” Speaking of which, did you notice the distanced way that Shaun spoke of parents throughout the episode? Whether it was the opening scene (“We’re adults… why would it matter what your parents think?”), or the minute of discussing what the different doctors call their father (Shaun thought “coach” was as good a term as any, referencing the 14-year-old gymnast case-of-the-week; most of the other docs objected), or the way Shaun referenced Lea’s parents in the past tense-- twice-- as if their work as parents came to an end when Lea became an adult. It makes sense if you’re him, right? His parents didn’t do much, let alone anything positive, by the time he’d turned 14. No wonder the concept of winning parental approval was so foreign to him!
But, in yet another lovely extension of “I care that YOU care,” Shaun took the attitude If it’s important to Lea, it’s important to both of us and ran with it… all the way to the Dilallos’ hotel, in fact.
Was that your favorite part of the episode? What a thrill to have so many scenes to choose from, right? For me, I think the fewer expectations for a particular element of the story= more enjoyable overall.
Before I list the seven #Shea/#Shea-related scenes from “Parenting” in order of personal favor… I think an honorable mention is in order for the scene between Shaun and Claire that prompted the simulation dinner. Not only because it’s always nice to see Shaun interact with Claire-- his longest-standing ally at the hospital, outside of Glassman-- but because of something noteworthy Claire said in that scene: “You are who you are… and who you are is great!”
A great thing to say, but did anyone else wince a little, remembering Lea’s words on the bridge last season at the end of “Fixation”: You are who you are, and I am who I am… and the two of us will never work….?
I wonder if “Parenting” scriptwriter Patti Carr was aware of that exchange?
Oh, and I also found the way Shaun said “It does… but I need pizza” adorable.
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OK, 7 favorite scenes in order… here we go:
#7: “I’m going to email you some talking points, mostly subjects to avoid… it’s gonna be a very long list.” (OPENING SCENE)
This, our tip-off for the rest of the episode, is lowest on the list simply because its purpose is the simplest (setting the pace and tone of life in the land of #Shea for the episode). Interesting that it was not only the leadoff scene, but it came at us “cold,” with no establishing shot (exterior of St. Bonaventure, or cafeteria wide shot). Just Lea, delivering the news about her parents’ pending “ambush” to Shaun pretty much as she received it. Not a second to spare in “Parenting,” I guess!
But we had enough time to assess what would be the mood for both characters throughout the show: Lea anxious, agitated and upset, Shaun generally laid back (although he certainly had his more anxious moments once he understood Lea’s concerns better).
Another interesting note: This was the first time since last season when Shaun and Lea were sitting in the cafeteria talking, and Shaun ended things abruptly when his phone chimed (“I have to go”). Pre-coupledom, Lea just kind of watched him dart off with medicine on his mind. Now, we hear her kinda sorta excusing him (“Fine…”) and then following up with the directive about her subjects-to-avoid texts. Which, of course, she started sending immediately.
(NOTE: Technically speaking, I know Shaun left a #Shea conversation abruptly at least one other time this season-- I’m thinking of right after Lea told him she’d move back into the apartment-- but since it wasn’t his usual pop-up-and-go spot, AND since their conversation was basically over anyway, I’m letting that one slide.)
P.S. For anyone wondering why the 1985 NBA Draft Lottery was on Lea's "avoid" list... 1985 was the first year a Lottery was used, and according to this video, it was able to be "rigged" as a result. (Highly unlikely that Shaun would ever discuss basketball at all though, which leads me to believe she's given a similar "list" to many boyfriends in the past that met her dad.)
#6: “They might want to yell at us, in which case we should not open the door…” (CLOSING #SHEA SCENE)
If I was directing this episode, I would have included a shot (or shot sequence) that showed Mike and Pam’s faces as Shaun closed the apartment door on them. I get why (“Parenting” director) Rachel Leiterman didn’t; there was definitely a laugh to be had the way she did it. I just think there might’ve been a little extra wink of satisfaction if they did it my way. But Leiterman’s way was less conventional/expected, so I’ve got to respect that!
Anyway, after Shaun’s takedown in the hotel lobby we figured there would be some sort of pleasant resolution, right? Not for all time, necessarily—what would be the fun in that—but extending an olive branch in the form of taking Shaun and Lea out to dinner (sorry pancakes-in-progress, maybe stick around for a midnight snack later?) was a fine way to go. And with Mike and Pam having to text their request to Lea through the closed front door, #Shea had the opportunity to discuss the matter before accepting… another example of them handling challenges together.
Lea left the decision to Shaun—and whether it was because he’d made the last move in the situation (gotta presume Shaun filled Lea in his hotel lobby visit, right?) or simply because her parents’ issue had centered around him all along, it was the right way to go. As for Shaun’s response—“I think… they must’ve been good parents. I think we should have dinner with them.”—it was classic Shaun in its simplicity. Could the question of whether or not they were “good parents” really be solved by their decision to come spend some more time with Shaun and Lea before going back East? Of course not. But in the moment, they were doing what they could to mend some of their damage… and judging from the apologetic look on their faces when we DID finally see them at the door, that was good enough. For now.
#5: “I’m in character; please address me as ‘Pam.’”
Admittedly, this scene prompted some expectations for me as soon as the publicity photos went public. That’s why it’s down here at #5--I couldn’t help but overlook a very missed opportunity with Morgan at that table. My thinking is if you’re not going to use her but for that early exchange… and the “twisted biotch” doesn’t get to throw even one dart in Lea’s direction… why not put Debbie in there instead? I think that could’ve been a lot more interesting, if only to help Debbie drum up some sympathy points for Lea ASAP. (Many of us see Debbie/Lea as fast friends waiting to happen, you see…)
Maybe Sheila Kelley (Debbie) was who they wanted, but wasn’t available for COVID-recovery reasons or otherwise… so the chair went to Morgan. In any case, the focus shifted rapidly from Lea’s parents to Shaun’s “parent”... let’s talk about that:
Glassman hijacks the conversation midway through (apparently concluding that Lea’s scripted efforts weren’t worth the trouble… another small jab) “what happens when Lea’s parents express real concern about their daughter?” – and just when you think he’s going to go where it needs to go (because that’s where it DOES go, with Mama/Papa D), Glassman says “Concerns any parent would have” and hits the basic (and, incorrect) things as if they were both neurotypical: You two barely know each other… You haven’t dated very long; now you’re living together … This relationship is moving too fast!
Quite a statement from the man who essentially asked his current wife to marry him after only one date, no? Glassy the Grouch… DUDE… come on. (Maybe THAT’S why Debbie wasn’t utilized; because the hypocrisy of Glassy’s statement would have been too glaring to overlook.)
Thankfully Lea came right in with her sound, assured retort (“You’re wrong,”) before explaining to a befuddled Shaun that this was not Lea telling “Mike” off, but Glassman himself. Not to worry, though, for Shaun was about to bring his own variety of Glassman-directed shade to the conversation…
“You can’t prepare for how these evenings can go wrong, Families are full of surprises—” Glassy began.
“Like how you don’t like Lea,” Shaun interrupted.
CRICKETS… CRICKETS… CRICKETS “I never… actually… said that.”
Here we have “surprise” served up at least three different ways:
“full of surprises” much more than anything that went down at the real dinner.
2) Shaun didn’t seem aware of the continued discomfort between Lea and Glassman until Lea pointed it out that morning in the cafeteria. Hence, that too was a “surprise”…
3) … But it was a surprise exactly as Shaun delivered it. To Glassman’s face, there at the table, right in front of Lea (and Morgan). And it seemed like more than an ill-timed honest moment on Shaun’s part. They ended the scene on a shot of Shaun, and he looked pretty displeased with Glassman to my eyes.
4) As far Glassy’s slow, no-way-to-save-this denial? Well, maybe that much wasn’t a surprise at all.
#4: “They don’t. Not the most. Not anymore.”
First off—I know everyone on the set of TGD is a grown-up, but I must admit I hope there’s an outtake of the beginning of this scene that has Paige Spara unable to keep a straight face as Freddie says I searched “eating meat near me”, which was a mistake…
I mean, COME ON. That was hilarious.
Okay, on with this scene. An excellent point made by reader Daniela in the comments on my last post: even though Shaun’s response about Lea’s parents supposedly loving her most in the world was endearing and sweet and maybe just what Lea needed in that moment… well…”He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Daniela said. She’s referring to the fact that different kinds of love (familial, romantic, etc.) don’t have to compete for real estate in one’s heart-- the kind of thing Shaun hasn’t dealt with yet in adulthood, but might understand better
if/when he becomes a father. Maybe that’s why Lea appeared to under-react to that particular confession of love from Shaun; she appreciated it immensely, but...
As for “Leave it to my mom; she took us both out in one shot”: I KNEW the bigger problem would be with Lea’s mother! The first red flag cropped up with Shaun’s earlier-season note that her voice gets annoying “especially when she talks to her mother on the phone” (Newbies)... that’s anxiety he hears creeping into Lea’s voice when dealing with Mama D.
How about her relationship with her father? My guess is they have a certain, somewhat limited closeness. I didn’t get the impression from this episode that he’s the overbearing type; on the contrary, he may be argumentative (as came up repeatedly in Shaun’s dinner prep), but I don’t think he digs into the heavy issues with both hands. That might be a hint to a bigger issue with Lea and Papa D, which in turn could be representative of Lea’s relationship with men in general up to now: he’s approachable, but only about things that interest him (maybe he helped Lea cultivate her love of cars, for instance… along with Grandpa Rod of course). Anything personal? Anything emotionally fraught? Why don’t you go talk to your mother about this. And IF Mama D. has had issues with “self-medication” during Lea’s lifetime—still a question mark, as it obviously didn’t come up in this episode—that means she too was surely unavailable, mentally and/or physically, for Lea at times. Lots of distance, not a lot of positive reinforcement-- or time taken to even find out what her best qualities might be (other than the very general “a big heart”-- Papa D’s words in the hotel lobby).
So there, that’s my unofficial diagnosis of Lea’s low self-esteem roots! I’d love to hear whatever clues YOU drew from the episode…
Aside from the clarity given about the Dilallos’ take on #Shea, there was a certain symmetry to enjoy with the general topic of the scene: It was a rare discussion on how Shaun deals with “civilians” (people who aren’t his family/colleagues/patients), and for all the ways Shaun, and others with ASD, are seen as socially immature… it’s Lea who questions her ability to be grown-up enough to work through her parents’ issues.
By the way-- there wasn’t time of course, but it also would have been cool to acknowledge what was different when Lea was “the person who met him” 3 ½ years ago… why she wasn’t uncomfortable around him.
#3 “I suggest we treat this evening like hemorrhoid surgery.”
The highest expectations probably went into this scene… and generally speaking, they were met. Plenty of tension, punctuated by several awkward laughs (mostly courtesy of Shaun).Still…
I really expected more awkward questions… the ones Shaun fielded were more patronizing than anything else.
No ex-husband reference AT ALL after the previous week? Really?
And while we’re on omissions...no brother Donnie reference either??
I know time was limited, and I almost feel bad complaining because we got A LOT in this episode. But I feel like they could have made room for at least ONE reference. They could’ve dropped Donnie’s name at dinner; the folks could’ve mentioned the ex in the hotel lobby. Seem like easy fixes to me.
Otherwise, I made these notes about the Dilallo dinner:
Lea’s “Want more wine?” that came between Shaun’s “Hemorrhoid surgery!” and Pam D’s “Excuse me?” was a reflexive attempt to change the subject; she obviously was worried about where Shaun was about to go with that statement. A sign that, while she’s grown accustomed to Shaun’s dialogue quirks, she still may be uncomfortable with them in certain company.
When the story about hemorrhoid surgery turned out to be a perfectly amusing ice-breaker, the relief on both Shaun and Lea’s faces was visible from outer space.
- Shaun’s hemorrhoid talk was actually his own way of
diffusing a specific tension rising between mother and daughter. Pam said “Honestly, Lea, if we’re so impossible to talk to, why even have us here?” and Lea shot her a look that, had Shaun not interjected at that point, would’ve followed with “I didn’t have you here, Mom, you insisted on it and this is why I’ve dreaded tonight ever since.”
The laughter that followed the hemorrhoid talk was welcome, but I could feel the patronizing undercurrent getting even stronger than when Mama D asked Shaun if being a surgeon was hard “for him.”
By the scene’s end, Mama and Papa D’s evening had turned into “OK, this is cute, we’re game for the night… but absolutely no more than that.” Cue the text (I’m assuming it was actually a series of texts) to Lea the next day.
#2: “You knew her then… you don’t know her now.”
We’d been waiting for this one.
Not because we needed to hear Shaun reinforce his love for Lea, or defend his ability to be in a relationship with her—that’s not what this was about. What we needed to see was Shaun standing up for her. He’s done it all along, mind you… to Glassman, to Morgan, to Vera-down-in-the-earthquake, really to anyone who’s ever said anything negative about her. But to track the Dilallos down at their hotel with the specific purpose of not only defending Lea, but finding the right words to turn them around at least a little bit? And do it all knowing a) verbal communication is especially difficult for him when upset, and b) his trademark “brutal honesty” is not likely to be appreciated?
So yes, this was rather epic on Shaun’s part. A few specific notes I made:
1) When Papa D politely dismissed Shaun near the start of the scene (“No offense, Shaun, but this is between family”), I half-expected Shaun to respond with Lea is MY family… but that’s not Shaun, is it? To him, it’s still a great honor just to be able to call Lea his girlfriend.
2) Mama D saying “And she’ll do anything to get under our skin; you wouldn’t believe some of the people she’s dated…”—just me, or did anyone else take that to imply Lea was only with Shaun as a new way to piss her parents off? If so, maybe she was under their skin in a new way, with a relationship so above-par they didn’t know what to make of it. So, annoyed and confused, they defaulted to what they knew best and assumed the worst is still lurking on the road ahead.
3) Honest to God, though, how could they still think that after letting Shaun speak his peace? Even if they focused on the ways he (gently) turned the mirror on them--“All you know are her mistakes, and you don’t trust her because you’re not sure you were good parents… I make Lea patient because I can be very frustrating. So can the two of you… Maybe this challenge will make your relationship stronger, too”—that’s got to be the most respectful and thoughtful way they’ve been treated by anyone in Lea’s life. Maybe by anyone, period!.
4) It’s a longshot I guess, but I’d love to know that some TGD fans “on the fence” about #Shea—or maybe just Lea—saw a little of themselves in Pam and Mike Dilallo and may become more amenable to the couple themselves after this episode. If you happen to hear of any let us know, OK?
6) Finally, who didn’t love the shot of Shaun taking a congratulatory green apple for himself as he walked away? I would add that he should’ve treated himself to a stack of pancakes on the way home, but maybe that’s why he and Lea were eating them in the final scene😉
#1: “I’m not going to stop worrying about him. Even if he doesn’t need me to.”
“Stop it! You’re gonna make me cry,” Lea snarked when Glassman initially came over to her in the St. B café (best name I’ve got for this particular locale). But by the end of the scene, both she and Glassy were on the verge of tears for real, weren’t they?
The demands for this scene may have been considerably fewer than others in “Parenting”—no new characters to put across, no true plot-advancing dialogue, a lot less tension coursing through the characters at hand—and maybe that’s why it was my favorite. But it helped that what was done was done so well.
The tension was still there, but it ran on two lower levels: the semi-amusing, “Glassy-still-doesn’t-like-Lea” level established at the start of the episode, and whatever undercurrent remained from the last time we’d seen Glassy and Lea in the same room. Which was, of course, the brewpub in last season’s “Hurt” episode.
Unless she were to “make (Shaun) very, very sad.” But let’s not put that cart out before the horse anytime soon; plenty of other things to worry about. For now, I’m enjoying that these two finally share a mutual appreciation for each other’s role in Shaun’s life. If Shaun ever needs a solid example of the heart having room for (at least) two different kinds of love, he should look no further than these two.
Oh, and Lea cleaning Glassy’s tie was a marvelous way to end the scene.
